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Wednesday Night TV Has Become Who It Really Are

As of this morning on Netflix, you can watch the BBC smash Happy Valley, a six-hour drama in the vein of The Killing or Broadchurch or The Fall about old ladies plus murders. Otherwise tonight we've got whodats and whatsits aplenty, tiny little houses with tiny little furniture, and a full-on masquerade. » 8/20/14 7:12pm Yesterday 7:12pm

"Affluenza" Teen's Dad Arrested for Impersonating a Cop

The wealthy father of a Texas teen whose "affluenza" defense helped him avoid prison after a deadly drunk driving accident has been arrested for allegedly pretending to be a police officer, the Dallas News reported. » 8/20/14 5:45pm Yesterday 5:45pm

Illuminati Sacrificed Robi​n Williams, Family Guy Repeat Proves

Terrible animated sitcom The Family Guy aired a rerun, centered around Robin Williams, just moments before the public learned of Williams' tragic suicide. Some of Earth's 7 billion sentient humans suspected this meant that he had been sacrificed by the elite deviants of the Bavarian Illuminati. » 8/20/14 5:01pm Yesterday 5:01pm

Why Did Jaden Smith Just Tweet This Video of a Plane Making Contrails?

Jaden Smith just Tweeted a link to a YouTube video of an airplane producing condensation trails. There is no context; his last Tweet was more than a week ago. It's just a link to the video. Is this the Illuminati proving that chemtrails exist? Let's wildly speculate. » 8/20/14 4:50pm Yesterday 4:50pm

NFL Says Legally It Doesn't Have to Address Cheerleaders' Shitty Wages

Over the course of the last year, NFL cheerleaders have attempted to raise their pay to at least minimum wage through various lawsuits. In June, two Oakland Raiderettes sued the league for fair pay. The NFL's official response? Not our problem. » 8/20/14 4:30pm Yesterday 4:30pm

Ariana Grande Is a Kabbalist and Suspected Serial Killer

Pint-sized pop singer Ariana Grande is the reason why the phrase "cutie patootie" exists, even at age 21. But did you know that lurking deep down that adorable, quinceañera-frequenting exterior, below even the demons she speaks freely about, may be the cold-blooded heart of a serial killer? It's true, she said it… » 8/20/14 4:13pm Yesterday 4:13pm

This Week in Tabloids: George Clooney is Pregnant

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which in which we venture through the hellish landscape contained within the pages of Star, Us Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch, like the last remaining survivors of a cataclysmic event. This week: Amal Alamuddin AND George Clooney are pregnant; North West's diaper cream costs… » 8/20/14 4:07pm Yesterday 4:07pm

Earthquake Threat in Yellowstone Region Bigger Than First Thought

In a new report that's sure to eventually set your Facebook feed all aflutter with fresh volcanically-charged paranoia, scientists say that the risk for damaging earthquakes in the Yellowstone region is greater than originally thought. » 8/20/14 4:01pm Yesterday 4:01pm