How to Be Beautiful on Thanksgiving: A Guide

It's the kickoff of the holiday season, and as a woman, there's only one thing that means: marshaling undue amounts of energy to please other people. One great tactic as we continue down this endless winding road is, of course, that of beautification. How can we all be more beautiful on noted beauty holiday,… » 11/27/14 4:02pm Yesterday 4:02pm

I Can't Stop Watching These Parade Balloon Accident Videos

Like stock car races or primary debates, balloon parades are an alleged form of entertainment that's mostly just boring until something goes wrong. Fortunately, with balloon accidents the resulting injuries are primarily psychic in nature—measured in months of therapy for poor Jacob after seeing Pikachu disemboweled… » 11/27/14 2:30pm Yesterday 2:30pm

How To Eat Thanksgiving Dinner: A Strategy Guide

How does one eat a Thanksgiving meal? On its face this might seem like a ridiculous question, and also everywhere else too. I mean, who doesn't know how to eat? (Excepting the British, of course.) Thanksgiving is marked, more than anything else, by its abundance of tasty foodstuffs; practically speaking, it is a… » 11/27/14 1:08pm Yesterday 1:08pm

LAPD Arrests 130 Ferguson Protestors

On the third night of protests following a Ferguson grand jury's decision not to indict Darren Wilson for the killing of Michael Brown, Los Angeles police arrested 130 "unruly" demonstrators Wednesday for unlawful assembly and failure to disperse, KTLA reports. » 11/27/14 11:30am Yesterday 11:30am

Abigail Breslin Disses Boybander in a Music Video and Boy Are Teens Mad

Former child star Abigail Breslin, who is now 18 and still here guys!! released a music video this week insulting one of the 5 Seconds of Summer guys, angering the all-powerful Teen Twitter with her off-brand-Taylor-Swift opus. » 11/27/14 12:45am Yesterday 12:45am

Want to Book Hillary Clinton? You're Going to Need $300,000 and Hummus

The Washington Post got a copy of Hillary Clinton's contract for a recent speaking engagement at UCLA* through a creative FOIA request, and for a true boss lady, Clinton's backstage demands are surprisingly mundane. » 11/26/14 9:40pm Wednesday 9:40pm

These Letters Reveal Which Congressmen Google Has In Its Pocket

Yesterday twelve U.S. Congressmen signed, sealed, and delivered a letter (embedded below) to members of the European Parliament lobbying their counterparts to leave Google alone. According to the Financial Times, at least three letters from American legislators were sent as part of a "rare and concerted public… » 11/26/14 6:03pm Wednesday 6:03pm

​Wednesday Night TV's Saving All Thanks for Tomorrow, When It Counts

Tonight's the night, the last night of the week before the holiday bullshit starts. On the one hand you want to make it count, but on the other hand isn't this kind of your Friday? Who wants to go out—the answer is nobody. So let's bundle up, rest up, see what's on the ol' snoozebox before the real toils begin. » 11/26/14 5:19pm Wednesday 5:19pm

Let's Keep the Friday in Black Friday, Our True Family Holiday

I remember sitting at the table with my parents, my father's parents and his brother, my mother's sister, and a couple of other people whose exact connection to our family I was too young to glean. The only image of Thanksgiving I had at the time, it quickly became the ideal for the holiday, which all others would be… » 11/26/14 4:25pm Wednesday 4:25pm