The Germans still have Bieber's monkey, OG Mally. They have Mally, even though it's obviously not cool to have your own infant Capuchin monkey anymore, and Bieber has since lost interest in the well-being (or existence) of Mally.
Aftab Aslam may have failed his Georgia Gwinnett College English class (twice), but he definitely earned an A in "Faking Your Own Kidnapping, Worrying the Hell Out of Your Parents, and Wasting Police Resources: 101".
This has not been Obama's month. And with scandals rising out of the State Department, the DOJ, and the IRS, it was really only a matter of time before the military got involved in some sort of cover-up too.