Barclays Banker Gives Interns 10 Reasons to Say Fuck This Banking Hell

In order to prevent their star employees from literally working themselves to death, the investment banking industry has begun to mandate several entire days off per month. That is one good reason to never work for an investment bank. In an email sent to his interns, Barclays banker Justin Kwan, provides another ten. » 6/03/15 6:47pm 17 minutes ago

My Ideal Self Body Type Is Jerry Seinfeld in 1997

Last night I was at the gym, going through that old sham, leg-walloping the elliptical, sweating big ol’ bullets and watching an episode of Seinfeld on the crummy LCD (I usually watch Food Network but I realized how bleak that looks to others). It was then that I realized I was there to look like him. » 6/03/15 6:35pm 29 minutes ago

Twitter Just Killed Politwoops

A Twitter spokesperson just provided the following statement to Gawker regarding the apparent suspension of Politwoops’ access to Twitter’s developer API, which enabled the Sunlight Foundation-funded site to track tweets deleted by hundreds of politicians. Summarized: Politwoops is no more. » 6/03/15 6:24pm 40 minutes ago

Junior Varsity Baseball Team Allegedly Made Love to McChicken Sandwich

Whoever said that youth is wasted on the young clearly did not anticipate a future in which a junior varsity boys’ baseball team from Grand Forks, N.D., would celebrate the end of their season and the impending arrival of summer by allegedly sexually violating a McDonald’s McChicken® on their bus. That same person… » 6/03/15 6:20pm 44 minutes ago

Vulture Gang Attracted by "Foul Death" Smell Refuses to Leave Man's Home

Imagine it’s Saturday morning, and you’re about to enjoy a book and a cup of coffee on your back porch, and you’re greeted by four two-foot tall winged eaters of dead meat. They’re staring you down through the glass sliding door, as if to say Do you feel lucky, punk? Oh god, not the vultures again. Welcome to Rick… » 6/03/15 6:08pm 56 minutes ago

This Week In Tabloids: Oh My God Kylie Is Pregnant With Scott's Baby

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we go to George and Amal’s house for dinner, sit down at the table with them, and then eat in silence throughout all 90 minutes of the seven-course meal. Today, Kylie is preggo and Scott’s the daddy-o, pregnant Kylie and not-pregnant Selena are on their way to rehab, the Duggars are a… » 6/03/15 5:30pm Today 5:30pm

Chuck Blazer Admits Taking Bribes For World Cup Votes

Testimony from former FIFA and CONCACAF official Chuck Blazer was unsealed today. In it, Blazer swore under oath that he and members of the executive committee accepted and facilitated bribes in exchange for awarding the 1998 and 2010 World Cups. (Blazer voted for Morocco and South Africa, respectively.) » 6/03/15 4:50pm Today 4:50pm

Hurricane Blanca May or May Not Drench the Southwestern U.S. Next Week

Hurricane Blanca is only the second named storm in the three-week-old Pacific Hurricane Season, but it’s already the second category four hurricane to form there in the past two days. The storm will slowly move towards the Baja Peninsula this weekend, after which it might or might not drench the American Southwest. » 6/03/15 4:40pm Today 4:40pm

The Pursuit of Happiness Will Lead You to Will Smith's Facebook Page

As of this writing, the profile picture on professional actor Will Smith’s Facebook page has one and a half million likes. It is a black and white photograph of the actor’s face obscured partially by a blurred, spread-fingered hand. It is cropped to the incorrect proportions for Facebook, where the professional actor… » 6/03/15 4:15pm Today 4:15pm

Publisher of The Toast Nick Pavich Is Out for Murky Reasons

Jezebel has learned that Nicholas Pavich has left The Toast, a popular lady site frequented by post-structuralist art history fans, where he served as publisher since January 2013. Pavich’s tenure at the blog apparently ended over some vague but certainly bad blood between him and its co-founders, Mallory Ortberg and… » 6/03/15 4:07pm Today 4:07pm

U.S. Gov: Oops We Mailed Potentially Deadly Anthrax Around the World

Ah, fuck! The Pentagon just said its anthrax mistake is worse than previously believed: live samples of the deadly virus might have reached 51 different labs in 17 different states, D.C., and three foreign countries. Also, this has been going on for the past decade. » 6/03/15 3:25pm Today 3:25pm

Cheap Wine Sucks: A Manifesto

While Mother Jones certainly has the right to get out from under their image as the resting place of old potatoes on your weirdest uncle’s kitchen table, it is interesting to see that one of the ways they’re moving toward A New Tomorrow is by aggregating a video called EXPENSIVE WINE IS FOR SUCKERS put together by the… » 6/03/15 2:45pm Today 2:45pm

How to Be a Tourist in Your Own City

Sometimes it’s easy to become so jaded by your own city that you forget all it has to offer. Even though I’ve lived in NYC for 15 years, there are places I’m kind of embarrassed to admit I’ve never been: like the Statue of Liberty. And the Empire State Building. And every chain restaurant in Times Square. » 5/19/15 10:00am 5/19/15 10:00am