This Week in the War Machine – May 4, 2015

There are dozens of military and intelligence exercises, war games, conferences, trade shows, and specialty conventions happening every month — both at home and abroad, from every branch of the national security world and their affiliated civilian contractors. We’ve bookmarked a select few, but by no means all, that… » 5/04/15 4:55pm 5 minutes ago

A Tropical Cyclone Will (Probably) Threaten the Southeast This Week

No sooner did the calendar crack May than we had to start worrying about a potential tropical system forming off the coast of the southeastern United States later this week. Anyone who lives near the coast from Florida to North Carolina needs to keep a close watch on this system. Here’s what you need to know to stay… » 5/04/15 4:45pm 15 minutes ago

I Went to a Simulated Teen Drinking Party and It Freaked Me the Fuck Out

I’m far from the target audience for the simulated teen drinking party I attended last weekend—that audience being freaked-out parents who want to see what really goes on at the hormone-fueled ragers their children are just starting to attend—but let me start by saying that the whole thing was very effective. I was… » 5/04/15 4:34pm 25 minutes ago

A Full House Divided: How Sweet Michelle Tanner Grew to Hate Her Family

Last week, former rock band frontman and current yogurt salesman “Uncle” Jesse Katsopolis fired off an irate tweet about his adopted niece, the actress and fashion designer Michelle Tanner. While Uncle Jesse raised Michelle from infancy alongside her father, Danny, and a host of tenuously- or unrelated children and… » 5/04/15 2:00pm Today 2:00pm

Why Scientific American's Predictions from 10 Years Ago Were So Wrong

Recently, we did an experiment: We took an outdated issue of a respected popular science magazine, Scientific American, and researched exactly what happened to the highly-touted breakthroughs of the era that would supposedly change everything. What we discovered is just how terrible we are at predicting the long arc… » 5/04/15 1:50pm Today 1:50pm

Behold the Stupidest Government Report EVER

The drought in America is historic, affecting more than 30 percent of the United States and 37 percent of the lower 48 states. My friend, John Fleck , who used to write about nukes at the Albuquerque Journal, is the doyen of all things water in the west, and when we met last year in New Mexico, he put the fear of God… » 5/04/15 1:30pm Today 1:30pm

When We All Relocate to Space, At Least We'll Have Espresso

At parties—which I go to a lot—the question is often raised: if you were to travel to space, what would be the one earthly thing you’d have trouble giving up? FRESH COFFEE, we all yell. Samantha Cristoforetti, an Italian astronaut at the International Space Station, has proven that we will never have to go without… » 5/04/15 12:55pm Today 12:55pm

Rick Santorum Would Like to Clarify That He Is Indeed Still a Dick

A few days ago, former and forever presidential hopeful Rick Santorum offered some seemingly (and uncharacteristically) supportive words on Bruce Jenner’s decision to come out as a transgender woman. But now, Santorum has one little thing he’d like to add: Don’t worry, I’m still a dick. » 5/04/15 12:25pm Today 12:25pm

Governor Vows to Defend Texas Against Insane Imaginary Obama Invasion

Texans can now proudly say that their state not only boasts the Biggest Tacos and Tallest Beers, but a governor willing to waste tax dollars on a batshit make-believe martial law conspiracy theory. » 5/04/15 12:14pm Today 12:14pm