A Glossary of Islamic State Propaganda Euphemisms

As U.S. bombs fell in Syria for the first time last night, the "official spokesman of the Islamic State of Iraq and Sham" reportedly released a far-ranging 11-page message to its fighters, American opponents, and Muslims worldwide. It makes a tough read, unless you've got a glossary handy. » 9/23/14 11:39am 15 minutes ago

"Every One of Them Are Dead": 911 Call From Florida Massacre Released

Gilchrist County, Fla. police have released the 911 call made by Don Spirit the night he shot and killed his daughter and his six grandchildren in their home in the small town of Bell last Thursday evening. "I just shot my daughter and shot all my grandkids and I'll be sitting on my step, and when you get here, I'm… » 9/23/14 11:15am 40 minutes ago

Remember the Time Snapchat's New PR Chief Played Dirty NJ Politics?

The next time Snapchat's fratty young master puts his loafers in his maw, his newest hire will be there to assist: Jill Hazelbaker is the app's new communications director, and she has a penchant for internet gaffes herself. » 9/23/14 11:06am 49 minutes ago

Amazing Teen Sings Beyoncé in His Mom's Shirt on The Voice

Elyjuh René walked into The Voice wearing braces, a shirt that matched his mom's, and some sort of magical heart-stealing apparatus that makes you want to quit your job, become his best friend, and just sit sit around all day singing Beyoncé songs together. Maybe some Diana Ross, too! » 9/23/14 10:52am Today 10:52am

This Third Boob Is Probably Only Real in Our Hearts

After news broke yesterday that Jasmine Tridevil, 21, of Tampa had allegedly paid $20,000 to have a third boob implanted on her chest to make herself "unattractive to men," we've heard whispers in the wind (and read stories) that this Third Boob is a stunt, a hoax. It very well might be. … » 9/23/14 10:45am Today 10:45am

Seattle Prosecutor Drops All Pot Tickets in Response to Weed-Hating Cop

Pete Holmes, Seattle's city attorney, announced yesterday that his office would dismiss all public use of marijuana tickets issued through July of this year, the Associated Press reports. Nearly all of those tickets were issued by a single, weed-hating cop. » 9/23/14 10:17am Today 10:17am

Insane Smiling Woman Paula Deen Attempts Redemption Arc

Greased laughingstock who said the word "nigger" once in the '80s Paula Deen, appeared on this morning's Today show to discuss her return to cookin' programmin'. Throughout her 10-minute chat with Matt Lauer, Deen's faced crapped out smiles with the desperation of a child beauty pageant contestant whose go-go juice… » 9/23/14 10:07am Today 10:07am

"Fuck It, I Quit" Reporter Explains Her Dramatic On-Air Exit

It looks like KTVA reporter Charlo Greene's on-air announcement that she'd be leaving her job was just the first part of a pro-weed media campaign. Greene, who revealed herself as owner of the Alaska Cannabis Club in the same segment, released her own video yesterday, explaining her motivation. » 9/23/14 9:42am Today 9:42am

Larry Ellison Learns Hawaiian Island Makes Uncool Engineering Project

After Oracle founder Larry Ellison plunked $300 million to buy his own island, he described his plan to transform Lanai into a "sustainable Eden" as "this really cool 21st-century engineering project." Now, in classic Silicon Valley fashion, Ellison is running the tropical rebrand with the "veneer of egalitarianism,"… » 9/23/14 8:34am Today 8:34am

WHO Report: More Than 20,000 Cases of Ebola in Africa By November

In a dire, grim report by the World Health Organization released in the New England Journal of Medicine Monday, researchers estimate that the Ebola virus runs a serious risk of becoming endemic in West Africa and remain a constant presence on the continent. "The epidemiologic outlook is bleak," doctors in the report… » 9/23/14 7:58am Today 7:58am

Feud Erupts Between Ecuador and Galapagos Islands Over Dead Tortoise

Back in June 2012, a tortoise died. That is, in and of itself, kind of newsworthy, given that giant tortoises have a lifespan of well over 100 years; the oldest one, the un-creatively named Jonathan, is still kicking at 182. But the death of Lonesome George was particularly sad, given that the old fellow was believed… » 9/22/14 9:05pm Yesterday 9:05pm

Best Taco Truck Ever Was Also Selling Meth

A Colorado taco truck — arguably the greatest taco truck in Colorado or anywhere else — has been driven out of business by people who disapproved of its business model. That model: selling methamphetamine in addition to tacos, a move which presumably delighted its customers, but seems to have really displeased the… » 9/22/14 7:53pm Yesterday 7:53pm

Predatory Parking App Booted From San Francisco Tries Los Angeles Next

MonkeyParking is the rare kind of app that forced San Francisco's tech-teeming citizenry to throw up their hands and say "enough." The illegal app was chased out of town by the City Attorney after residents and politicians alike objected to a startup auctioning off public street parking to the highest bidder. Now the … » 9/22/14 7:39pm Yesterday 7:39pm

#X Is The Little Hashtag That Could (Save Lives)

At this point, it's pretty obvious people who text and drive are the spawn of a very technologically-savvy Satan. It's just bad news, guys, and it doesn't matter if you're talking to your mom, your friend, or your long-lost boyfriend from fifth grade who just might be your soulmate — turn your phone on silent or pull… » 9/22/14 12:00pm Yesterday 12:00pm