Giant Buffalo Wedding Brawl Took Seven Police Departments to Break Up

A country club wedding in a Buffalo suburb devolved into an enormous melee that required police officers from seven different agencies to respond, the Buffalo News reports. Hours after the happy couple exchanged their vows, one witness told the newspaper, family members were screaming that they hated each other,… » 9/17/14 11:15pm Yesterday 11:15pm

Teen Crashes SUV Because Idiot Friend Set His Armpit Hair On Fire

There's a good lesson here, and it's one far too often neglected in driver's ed programs: if you don't want to crash, be sure not to set fire to the driver's armpit hair. I know you're thinking "it's just an armpit fire— what's the big deal?" but the truth is it can seriously impair driving, like it did for some young… » 9/17/14 10:43pm Yesterday 10:43pm

Texas Woman Executed for Starving Girlfriend's Young Son to Death

Texas has executed a 38-year-old woman who was sent to death row for starving her girlfriend's 9-year-old son to death nearly a decade ago. Lisa Ann Coleman died by lethal injection shortly after 6 p.m. tonight at the state execution chamber in Huntsville, Texas. She's only the 15th woman to be executed in the United… » 9/17/14 8:40pm Yesterday 8:40pm

Darren Wilson Testified Before a St. Louis County Grand Jury Today

The St. Louis-Post Dispatch is reporting that Darren Wilson, the Ferguson police officer who shot and killed 18-year-old Mike Brown in early August, appeared before a St. Louis County grand jury today to testify about the shooting. An unnamed source "with knowledge of the investigation" tells the newspaper that Wilson… » 9/17/14 6:39pm Yesterday 6:39pm

Biden Fudges Up Twice in One Week, Offends Jews, Asians, Everyone

Vice President Joe Biden is no stranger to saying redonkulous* things (*his choice of words, probably), but the past two days he's achieved the Biden Double Down In It to Win It Special by referencing Shylock when discussing shady bankers yesterday, then referring to Asia as the Orient while talking about Singaporean… » 9/17/14 6:20pm Yesterday 6:20pm

VC Shocked By Startups Wasting the Wasteful Money He Handed Them

Fred Wilson is a star venture capitalist, one of those check-cutting white men whose blog posts are read like tea leaves by his peers (Think Marc Andreessen with less skull and more brain). But complaining about wasteful startups wasting the excessive cash you dumped on them is a dumb look. » 9/17/14 5:33pm Yesterday 5:33pm

Rob Ford Diagnosed With "Rare, Aggressive" Cancer in Abdomen

Dr. Zane Cohen of Toronto's Mount Sinai hospital announced today that mayor Rob Ford has a form of cancer called pleomorphic liposarcoma and a "rare" and "difficult" tumor in his abdomen. Cohen maintained that he was optimistic about treatment. » 9/17/14 5:32pm Yesterday 5:32pm

Shoe Company Executives Vanish​ With All The Shoe Money

In what looks like the exact legal definition of a criminal conspiracy, the CFO of "China's Urban Footwear Company" Ultrasonic has informed the public and the firm's Supervisory Board that its CEO and COO have "apparently left their homes and are not traceable." Also: The money's gone. » 9/17/14 5:23pm Yesterday 5:23pm

Thirsty Uber Seeks the Fresh Blood of Military Veterans

Uber, the smartphone-based succubus that's driving taxis to extinction (but isn't really driving disabled people anywhere), is branching out to military vets and their loved ones. They want vet drivers, vet riders and most importantly, several well-placed executives in the federal defense establishment. » 9/17/14 4:59pm Yesterday 4:59pm

The Ultimate Tutorial for Writing Slimy Internet Hoaxes

Have you ever wanted to get millions of hits on your blog without having to use one bit of your brain? Would you like to create a hoax disguised as satire in order to bring home a traffic bonanza? Do you aspire to be a slimebag? Boy have I got the tutorial for you! » 9/17/14 4:37pm Yesterday 4:37pm

Teen Won't Be Allowed to Use Amazing Cat Photo as Senior Portrait

Damn. After launching a petition to have his amazing laser cat photo run in his high school year book, Schenectady High School senior Draven Rodriguez will have to settle for the significantly less exciting prospect of posing for another photo with his cat and the school's principal—and her chihuahua. Sounds like… » 9/17/14 4:20pm Yesterday 4:20pm