Kentucky's "Real-Life Dexter" Is Really Fake

"Wouldn't it be crazy if [TV show I watch] were real?" That's the thought that had Showtime subscribers losing their shit this week after an article came out about 17 dismembered bodies being found in the Ohio River near Henderson, Ky. According to the report, the victims were wrapped in individual plastic bags and… » 7/10/14 4:07pm 9 minutes ago

Manhattan's New 1,775-Foot Skyscraper Proves New York Loves America

Next time someone tries to tell you New York City isn't Real America, you remind them: 1 World Trade Center is 1,776 feet tall, man. Ain't that America? We love our country so much, in fact, that a new skyscraper — Earth's tallest residential building! — will top out one foot lower in patriotic deference. » 7/10/14 4:03pm 14 minutes ago

Social Network With No Revenue or Assets Somehow Worth $4.75 Billion

Perhaps CYNK is proof that we're in a tech bubble. Or maybe investors are getting taken for a ride. Either way, a Belize-based "social networking" startup that has no assets, no revenue, no members, and one employee has seen its value shoot up 27,066 percent in the last month. » 7/10/14 3:56pm 21 minutes ago

Just Undo It: The LeBron James Profile That Nike Killed

This profile of LeBron James was reported and written in 2011 for Port, a new London-based men's magazine, under odd circumstances: Nike paid for the writer's travel expenses and a portion of his fee. The story that came out of the trip was not what Nike had expected—a rep was apparently "furious"—and the magazine,… » 7/10/14 3:35pm 42 minutes ago

Witness Testifies That Friends May Have Taken Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's Weed

Azamat Tazhayakov, friend of younger, dreamier Boston Bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, is currently on trial for obstruction of justice. Tazhayakov is one of three Dzhokhar friends who will each be tried separately on similar charges — and now the equally grievous charge of copping Dzhokar's stash. » 7/10/14 3:26pm 51 minutes ago

Cops Decide Not to Photograph Teen's Erect Penis to Prove He Sexted

After being roundly criticized for the plan, cops and prosecutors in Manassas City, Va. have decided not to take photos of a 17-year-old boy's erect penis to prove he sexted his underage girlfriend. They're not dropping the case against the kid, however. He's still charged with felony counts of possessing and… » 7/10/14 3:15pm Today 3:15pm

Watch Mindy Kaling Keep It Together As She Announces Her Own Emmy Snub

It wouldn't be the Emmys without someone getting snubbed, but at least most Emmy hopefuls get to decide where they'll be when they find out whether they got the nomination. "Fucking Indian woman who has her own fucking network television show" Mindy Kaling co-hosted this year's noms, so she had to remain on stage… » 7/10/14 2:40pm Today 2:40pm Is Sure This Adidas Shirt's an Islamo-Mexican Terror Rug

Heard the news? If you only consume the mainstream media's Obamaflecting pulp, probably not: There are Muslims sneaking across the U.S.-Mexico border. The scary kind, who pray. How do we know? Because always-patriotic, never-delusional anti-government militiamen have a picture of their prayer rug. » 7/10/14 2:20pm Today 2:20pm

Battle of the Twitter Teen Mystics: Jaden vs. Willow

Yesterday, after reading Rich's post about Willow Smith and "those systematic French fries the government feeds us," I noticed that, much like her brother Jaden, she too has accepted Smithology as her one and true religion and is fated to spread its teachings across the globe. I then wondered: Is Willow better at… » 7/10/14 2:10pm Today 2:10pm

A Not at All Disturbing Photo of Khloe Kardashian Holding a Machine Gun

Here is a photo I can't stop thinking about: Khloe Kardashian and her boyfriend French Montana on the set of the video for his new song "Don't Panic" wearing diabolical opera masks and holding what appear to be some sort of (fake) machine guns (disclaimer: I know nothing about guns). » 7/10/14 1:31pm Today 1:31pm

Germany Kicks Top CIA Official Out of the Country

Germany announced today that it's asked the top CIA official at the U.S. embassy in Berlin to leave the country. The expulsion comes just days after German officials launched investigations two possible U.S. spies have been investigated in Germany. » 7/10/14 1:22pm Today 1:22pm

This Is Not Whitney Houston

Via Entertainment Weekly, it is America's Next Top Model Cycle 3 first-runner-up-turned-actress Yaya DCcosta as Whitney Houston in Angela Bassett's upcoming biopic for Lifetime (set to air in early 2015). The cover of Houston's 1987 sophomore album, Whitney, is the reference point: » 7/10/14 1:13pm Today 1:13pm

Google Launches $100 M. VC Fund in Europe While Under EU Investigation

The only way Google could be in worse trouble with European regulators right now is if Larry Page signed the order to wiretap Angela Merkel's phone himself. NSA revelations have hurt Google's European contracts and antitrust investigations are multiplying like Gremlins. » 7/10/14 1:10pm Today 1:10pm