The Germans still have Bieber's monkey, OG Mally. They have Mally, even though it's obviously not cool to have your own infant Capuchin monkey anymore, and Bieber has since lost interest in the well-being (or existence) of Mally.

Aftab Aslam may have failed his Georgia Gwinnett College English class (twice), but he definitely earned an A in "Faking Your Own Kidnapping, Worrying the Hell Out of Your Parents, and Wasting Police Resources: 101".

There's a new addition to the scenic view along the Detroit River: a three-story pile of petroleum coke, a byproduct of the tar sands drilling in northern Canada over 2,000 miles away.

This has not been Obama's month. And with scandals rising out of the State Department, the DOJ, and the IRS, it was really only a matter of time before the military got involved in some sort of cover-up too.

Two Metro-North Railroad trains collided during rush hour in Connecticut last night, injuring 60 people, 5 of them critically.

Our critics this week called us out on our poor timing, "form and content" generally, and our abilities to distinguish the titles of academia. Enjoy samples of our hate mail this week, posted below.

In the most recent episode of Inside Amy Schumer, comedian Amy Schumer’s new show on Comedy Central, there is a sketch about not taking a compliment. A group of women greets each other by doling out kind words and then immediately dismissing the accolade. Oh I look pretty? No I actually look like Susan Boyle's…

Reuters reports a man "carrying a dummy grenade and a knife" as well as a pistol was arrested immediately after firing shots at the Cannes Film Festival. No injuries are being reported.