Mac and Cheese Is Gross

This week a college student reportedly got himself expelled from the University of Connecticut over one of our society’s most disgusting inventions: mac and cheese. How embarrassing—I’m of course referring not to his drunken behavior, but to his base, stomach-turning craving which, I’m afraid to say, entirely… »10/07/15 12:00pm21 minutes ago

Citizens of Earth, Do Not Panic If Brilliant, Glowing Clouds Fill the Sky Tonight

You know your crazy relative who’s always suspicious of black SUVs? Quick—block him on Facebook. NASA is scheduled to launch a suborbital rocket from Wallops Island, Virginia, on Wednesday night, and as one of its experiments, it will eject colorful clouds of vapor more than a hundred miles above the ground in order… »10/07/15 11:51am29 minutes ago

Nicki Minaj Gets the Final Word on Miley Cyrus Feud

In the latest issue of the New York Times magazine, Nicki Minaj says something extremely well-reasoned regarding Miley Cyrus’s engagement with black culture. It is pointed and specific without getting unfairly personal or malicious. All internet thinkpieces should strive for its tone and succinctness. In fact, it is,… »10/07/15 11:42am38 minutes ago

Drunken Mac and Cheese Tantrum-Baby Reportedly Expelled from UConn 

Luke Gatti, the 19-year-old University of Connecticut student who swaggered into a campus cafeteria with a beer Sunday night and drunkenly demanded some “fucking jalapeño bacon mac and cheese,” has reportedly been expelled from the university over the incident. »10/07/15 11:30am51 minutes ago

The Ultimate Madonna Stan Wrote a Book About Her That's the Size of a Phone Book

As someone who has enjoyed Madonna’s work for the past 30+ years, Matthew Rettenmund’s Encyclopedia Madonnica 20 interests me. But as someone who engages with extreme human behavior for my job, Matthew Rettenmund’s Encyclopedia Madonnica 20 fascinates me. And the behavior I’m most fascinated by is not Madonna’s, but… »10/07/15 11:14amToday 11:14am

Unlike Its Subjects, The Funeral Selfie Will Never Die

Every so often, when it’s late and I’m procrastinating and everything else on the internet is suffused with vitriol and poison, I’ll type “funeral selfie” into my Twitter search bar. Pages of smiling, duck-faced teens dressed in black and surrounded by either flowers or caskets or actual cadavers stare back at me. And… »10/07/15 10:54amToday 10:54am

Cosby Accuser Chloe Goins Sues for Childhood Sexual Abuse at the Playboy Mansion

Chloe Goins, one of more than 50 women Bill Cosby has allegedly sexually assaulted—and the only one whose criminal case against him is currently under investigation—filed a civil suit for childhood sexual abuse against Cosby in a California court Tuesday. »10/07/15 10:03amToday 10:03am

Keeping Up With the Kontinuity Errors: Scott's Final Episode and Kris Jenner's Betrayal

Hell hath no fury like a woman forced to film multiple enraged scenes about how her former husband who is now a woman named Caitlyn badmouthed her to Vanity Fair well over a month after the article in question is released. Kris Jenner’s fury is impressive, but especially when you consider that these scenes filmed well… »10/06/15 7:05pmYesterday 7:05pm

Did Airport Security Grope Morrissey's Penis and Testicles? See For Yourself

Back in July, dour British funeral singer (vegan funerals only) Morrissey alleged that an airport security officer at San Francisco International Airport had groped his genitals during a pat-down and said that he’d filed a claim for assault. Just a day later, the TSA denied any wrongdoing in a statement to Rolling… »10/06/15 6:55pmYesterday 6:55pm

Don't Ever Call the Cops on Yourself, Even When You're High as Shit

I think my teddy bear knows I’m high. Do I stink? I think I stink. There’s something really foreboding about the shape of that telephone. I bet it was made in a bad factory. God, I’m a fraid. Maybe if I just put on Planet Earth, I’ll feel better. A fraid? Unless it’s the episode with the fish. Afraid. God, I’m so… »10/06/15 6:04pmYesterday 6:04pm