The drought in America is historic, affecting more than 30 percent of the United States and 37 percent of the lower 48 states. My friend, John Fleck , who used to write about nukes at the Albuquerque Journal, is the doyen of all things water in the west, and when we met last year in New Mexico, he put the fear of God… »
At parties—which I go to a lot—the question is often raised: if you were to travel to space, what would be the one earthly thing you’d have trouble giving up? FRESH COFFEE, we all yell. Samantha Cristoforetti, an Italian astronaut at the International Space Station, has proven that we will never have to go without… »
A few days ago, former and forever presidential hopeful Rick Santorum offered some seemingly (and uncharacteristically) supportive words on Bruce Jenner’s decision to come out as a transgender woman. But now, Santorum has one little thing he’d like to add: Don’t worry, I’m still a dick. »
Texans can now proudly say that their state not only boasts the Biggest Tacos and Tallest Beers, but a governor willing to waste tax dollars on a batshit make-believe martial law conspiracy theory. »
In this politically charged atmosphere, we rarely hear of U.S. border-patrol success stories. So let us commend the intrepid customs agents who bravely saved a bevy of junior Goldman VPs from huffing a pound of artisanal taint-roasted blow after it nestled near this nervous flier’s anus. »
Here we go again: that liberal jerkoff with his hands in all our pockets, Bill “Tallest Man on Earth” de Blasio, has decided to dedicate $33 million of his upcoming proposed budget to struggling and underfunded public schools. What about that golden promenade we were promised? And the envelopes full of cash? »
The most common sight in Las Vegas early Sunday morning was that of a dejected young man in an extremely boastful Manny Pacquiao t-shirt making his way back to his hotel to change his shirt.
If you are alone in Disney World, you’ll never forget it. Even if you can ignore all of the families that surround you, even if you manage to miss the couples walking hand-in-hand through the park, you will always be aware of your singledom because you are constantly compelled to disclose it to the state authorities… »