You Have Chosen…Poorly: A Ranking Of Alternate Horror Film Endings

Watching a movie is like playing roulette: we have no idea which ending we'll be seeing. Will it be the original, or another version inspired by a failed test screening, or "creative differences"? Sometimes the change is for the better; sometimes not. Here, we rank 13 alternate horror film endings from worst to best. » 10/31/14 1:26pm 36 minutes ago

Would You Pay $85 Million For This Pool? Beyoncé and Jay Z Might.

Beyoncé and Jay Z are collectively worth something like $1 billion. Maybe. Beyoncé said it herself so it must be true. The point is that they can basically buy anything in the world. Nonetheless, spending $85 million on a single pool is a serious purchase for even the richest elevator fight club. Beyoncé and Jay Z… » 10/31/14 1:16pm 45 minutes ago

Leaked Big Oil Speech: Wage "Endless War" Against Fracking Opponents

In June, Rick Berman of the PR firm Berman & Company gave a speech to a room full of oil industry executives. Presumably believing his talk was private, he spoke of waging "endless war" against fracking's opponents and exploiting fear and anger to win supporters. Unfortunately for him, he was being recorded. » 10/31/14 1:00pm Today 1:00pm

Kid Bursts Into Tears When Parents Tell Him He Has Ebola

Add "making your son think he's dying" to the list of things people will do for the Vine. These parents put on protective masks, took their kid's temperature, and told him he had Ebola. Then they put his tears of fear and shock as he confronted his own mortality on the internet. He wasn't viral, obviously, but now the… » 10/31/14 12:50pm Today 12:50pm

Satanists Made a Coloring Book for Public Schoolkids, and It's Not Bad

Just in time for Halloween, the Satanic Temple is pushing Orlando-area public schools to distribute a Beelzebub-oriented coloring book to the kiddies, who already get Bibles from a local megachurch and conservative lobby group. The crazy thing is, the Satanists have made a pretty decent coloring book. » 10/31/14 12:40pm Today 12:40pm

Your Trick-or-Treat Weather Forecast: Scary Cold

"Boo!" is what parents will say when they tote their costumed children around in freezing cold temperatures tonight across much of the country. Unless you enjoy the bone-chilling temperatures, trick-or-treating tonight will be scary cold. Ha! Get it? Scary. » 10/31/14 12:32pm Today 12:32pm

The Daily Show Found Out What's Really Weird About Austin

The official brand of Austin, Texas, USA is: "Keep Austin Weird." If you visit, you will be inundated with the mantra wherever you strut your cowboy boots. It is an amorphous identity projected by Austinites onto and into everything they do and it often sounds like a battle cry—this is the only "liberal" place in… » 10/31/14 11:55am Today 11:55am

Babywatch: Is Kim Kardashian Swaddling a Fetus in Her Corset?

Kim Kardashian is maybe possibly having another baby. Or she's at least thinking about having another baby. In a recent interview with U.K. beauty company Pixiwoo, she mentioned her maternity style "this time around" before getting flustered—in the flat, dead-eyed way a Kardashian gets flustered—and moving on. » 10/31/14 11:11am Today 11:11am

Stephen Colbert's Last Report Is Only a Month and a Half Away

We've known for months that it was coming—Stephen Colbert's last day at the Report before he makes the jump to the Late Show—but it was easy to live in denial without a firm date. Well, that blissful bubble of ignorance just popped: Colbert's last show airs December 18. » 10/31/14 10:50am Today 10:50am

Everybody's Barfing and Screaming on This Week's Parenthood

Parenthood jumped ahead three months last night, in case you missed the title card and wondered why all the new sitcoms were canceled, the cars were flying, and Max was my son now. 'Cause the time jump! Zeek is still alive—good for him—and Amber is much more pregnant than when we last saw her. Everyone else is so much… » 10/31/14 10:41am Today 10:41am

In Praise of Skull Trumpet, the Internet's Spookiest Meme

Doot-doot! The internet's spookiest meme isn't really spooky at all. Start the video, and a disembodied skull holding a trumpet appears, hovering over a field of black. Without menace, it turns toward you, and the bell of its horn begins to throb. Doot-doot! Skull Trumpet's musical salvo lasts all of two notes, and… » 10/31/14 9:35am Today 9:35am

A Child's Treasury of This Year's Most Offensive Halloween Costumes

Happy Halloween! If you're going out in the world tonight, there's a good chance you'll see racist idiots dressed up like racist idiots, because Halloween is racist idiot Christmas: Whether you're at a frat party, a parade, or even a family event, there's bound to be one sad soul in blackface, yellowface, Arabface,… » 10/31/14 9:00am Today 9:00am