The Political-Messaging Huckster Behind Roger Goodell's Awful Presser

Roger Goodell was talking, but the words weren't his alone. "That speech was all Frank," says an associate of pollster Frank Luntz, lord of the dark arts of political messaging, who frequently works with Goodell and the NFL. "As soon as I heard Goodell's intro, I was laughing." » 9/22/14 4:55pm 6 minutes ago

This MRI Sex Tape Is Totally Real and Pretty Gross

In their search for increasingly harder -cores, the porn industry has pioneered hundreds of techniques in the photography of human genitals, from Hustler's "pink-shots" to the now-standard penetration close-up. But for all their perversion, smut peddlers have never able to match the clinical kinkiness of scientists,… » 9/22/14 4:51pm 10 minutes ago

Texas Court Affirms Creeps' Right to Take Upskirt Photos

For the time being, at least, 50-something Ronald Thompson can return to his hobby of "snapping pictures of small children in their swimsuits underwater, without parental permission, at a San Antonio Water Park," because a state court has overturned the law that said he couldn't. » 9/22/14 3:51pm Today 3:51pm

White House Intruder Had 800 Rounds of Ammunition in His Car

The man who managed to jump the fence and run into the White House Friday night had 800 rounds of ammunition in boxes and magazines, two hatchets, and a machete in his car, a federal prosecutor said today. The prosecutor also noted that the man, 42-year-old veteran Omar Jose Gonzalez, was arrested in July with a… » 9/22/14 3:43pm Today 3:43pm

Predicting When the Main Characters on Fall TV's New Shows Will Bone

It's Premiere Week, where the TV networks debut a host of their new shows on an increasingly better-distracted American public. Few of these shows will succeed, plenty will fail, most will be forgotten. We don't need anymore "guides" to fall TV (except ours)—they all pretty much say the same thing, anyway. Watch » 9/22/14 3:37pm Today 3:37pm

Kirk Cameron's "Crocoduck" Came Back To Bite Him In The Ass

A few years ago, ex-teen heartthrob Kirk Cameron went on Fox News as a pitchman for young-Earth creationism. Claiming there were no transitional fossils, he ridiculed evolution saying that, if it were true, we would have duck-crocodile hybrids. Ha, ha—oh, wait, scientists found a dinosaur that's half duck, half croc. » 9/22/14 3:32pm Today 3:32pm

Horny Man With No Shame Rubs One Out on the M Train

A truly brave human being saw something while riding the M train through Brooklyn, and decided to say something to Gothamist (with NSFW video): A depraved man decided to whip his dick out and masturbate on the train. He didn't do a very good job of concealing himself, either. The aspiring exhibitionist, however, is a… » 9/22/14 3:18pm Today 3:18pm

Mark Zuckerberg Is Quickly Becoming the Worst Neighbor in San Francisco

In late 2012, Mark Zuckerberg dished out $10 million on a San Francisco vacation home one block away from Dolores Park. He has been driving his new neighbors insane with non-stop construction ever since. » 9/22/14 3:11pm Today 3:11pm

Notorious Deadbeat Dad Jeff Toobin Wants Web Histories Forgotten

So much of editing is matching a writer to a story: Tennis player and super fan David Foster Wallace on Roger Federer. Ex-Wall Street trader Michael Lewis on the financial crisis. And, now, in this week's New Yorker, deadbeat father and alleged ass-play aficionado Jeffrey Toobin on the right to control one's Google… » 9/22/14 3:00pm Today 3:00pm

Mother-Daughter Prankster Team Burn Giant Penis Onto Football Field

If you're going to burn a giant, 100-yard penis onto a football field at your high school, who are you going to ask to be your accomplice? Your cousin? The valedictorian of your class? A landscaping expert? No, asshole, your mom. » 9/22/14 2:52pm Today 2:52pm

What Can We Learn From the New Yorker's Bard College Alumni Letter?

In this week's New Yorker, Alice Gregory puzzles over the future of tiny Bard College, from which (as she discloses in an oddly coy aside) she graduated five years ago. If you want to learn about the college, which is basically a precious hipster Marxist summer camp where 60 to 80 percent of the student body is high… » 9/22/14 2:43pm Today 2:43pm

Hilary Duff "Totally Open" to a Lizzie McGuire Reunion Show

This is what dreams are made of: Hilary Duff is officially down to reprise her best (only) role as everyone's favorite middle school sensation Lizzie McGuire. Duff told the Huffington Post, "My schedule is a little busy right now. But um…why not?" Haha yeah she's super busy but you know, why not. » 9/22/14 2:36pm Today 2:36pm

How to Use a Fake Name on Facebook Without Getting Flagged

Facebook has always had a policy of requiring users to supply their real name on the site. Enforcement has been lax, but there's still a risk of getting caught. Here's how to fly under the radar if you need to. » 9/22/14 2:28pm Today 2:28pm

Satan Hailed With Grape Juice, Big Dildo in Oklahoma Black Mass

It was an epic battle between crucifixes and deified baked goods vs. grape juice and dildos in Oklahoma City on Sunday night—and while it's unclear which side won in the fight over the "black mass", we know for certain that (as always happens when alleged adults engage in such fights) dignity and enlightenment once… » 9/22/14 2:21pm Today 2:21pm

#X Is The Little Hashtag That Could (Save Lives)

At this point, it's pretty obvious people who text and drive are the spawn of a very technologically-savvy Satan. It's just bad news, guys, and it doesn't matter if you're talking to your mom, your friend, or your long-lost boyfriend from fifth grade who just might be your soulmate — turn your phone on silent or pull… » 9/22/14 12:00pm Today 12:00pm