A Handful of Life Lessons Paris Hilton Learned from The Bling Ring

All the bad gals are excited for this month's release of Sofia Coppola's based-on-real-events movie The Bling Ring, about a gang of Lip Smacker-sticky teens robbing the homes of celebrities. One bad gal who is not so excited? Paris Hilton.

Hilton's home was targeted twice by the real life Bling Ring. Watching the initial screening of the film, in which she appears briefly in an in da club cameo, Paris told reporters she was moved to tears. She told Vanity Fair:

“It was really emotional. It made me really upset and angry. I was trying not to cry because I knew I had to, like, walk around Cannes after. But yeah, it made me very upset because I knew that it was all true.”

There were things that this teen coven did, dark and wicked things, that Paris learned about only after collaborating with Coppola. “Sofia told me so many things I didn’t know,” she told the LA Times of the director. Like how to practice kissing on your hand or what really happens when a band of teens ransack your house.

"I didn’t know they tried to take my dog. I didn’t know they were selling my things on Venice Boardwalk."

As more details about the burglaries emerged, it became harder for Hilton to understand why the "obsessed" teens chose to victimize her. She called the whole thing "pretty bizarre" and grew reflective about the state of the world today. "It’s a scary world we’re growing up in now,” she said. "When I was growing up, I just loved the animals...I wanted to be a veterinarian. I didn’t really care about celebrities."

Things Paris cares deeply about? Joke pillows, mostly. In addition to the cameo, the movie was partially filmed in Hilton's own home—the burgled one—and prominently features her own stripper pole, artwork (pictures of her face), and decorative throw pillows (pictures of her face).

“I think it’s funny. That’s the reason I have them,” she said of the pillows. “My girlfriend bought them for me as a joke, and I thought they were hilarious and kept them. It was just supposed to be a funny joke, and I thought it was funny. There are, like, four.”

(Paris has a GIRLFRIEND. Just kidding, she thinks gay people are disgusting.) Too bad for you one other life lesson Paris Hilton learned is the lesson of guarding joke pillows with the best damn security lasers in the entire world. “I’ve put an advanced security system with laser systems. Security guards are always there, and there are cameras everywhere,” she said. “So if anyone tries to get in, they’re going to get caught.”

Keep cruising that wave called life, Paris. Hang ten.

[Image via Getty]