Just when you and the rest of our tired nation thought the greatest artisanal threats to America would come from garlic aioli, accent-wall paneling, and hand-cobbled baby booties made of sun-cured lamb jerky, a far graver specter is rising is rising in Europe: bean-to-bar bombmaking, brought to you by the humble craftsmen of the Islamic State.
A Gawker reader points out the following galling paragraph from “How ISIS Built the Machinery of Terror Under Europe’s Gaze,” an article in today’s New York Times:
One of the first clues that the Islamic State was getting into the business of international terrorism came at 12:10 p.m. on Jan. 3, 2014, when the Greek police pulled over a taxi in the town of Orestiada, less than four miles from the Turkish border. Inside was a 23-year-old French citizen named Ibrahim Boudina, who was returning from Syria. In his luggage, the officers found 1,500 euros, or almost $1,700, and a French document titled “How to Make Artisanal Bombs in the Name of Allah.”
From this day forward, no more family recipes, no more barrel-aged lager, no more bourgeois yearning for authentic experience, no more sriracha avocado toast. It is our duty to stand together against terrorism, and we will do whatever it takes.