Adam Levine does not hate fragrances. Adam Levine does not hate celebrities. Adam Levine does not want you to be alarmed by a scent. Adam Levine has inadvertently created the best video of the day with the promotion of his new "unique" aroma.

As People notes, Levine has been "teasing" this "sexy" fragrance for months. But what they didn't report was how this two-minute video would be a highly imaginative game-changer in the world and ethos of celebrity perfumery. Also in People's diligent Adam Levine Perfume reporting, they had a whole article about Levine's celebrity scent hypocrisy tweet:

I also would like to put an official ban on celebrity fragrances. Punishable by death from this point forward.

— Adam Levine (@adamlevine) March 5, 2011

Because short non-sequitur-reliant commercials are the primary method of judging how perfumes smell in this world, here's what Eau de Adam smells like:

  • The anti-celebrity fragrance
  • A motorcycle
  • A motorcycle high beam
  • A motorcycle in a tunnel
  • A motorcycle crashing through a piece of wall
  • Animation footage of cartoonish bombs
  • Pretty people hugging
  • Slow, loving footage of a so-artfully aged guitar case
  • A city skyline
  • A tonally random S&M scene, including blindfold and whip
  • Burned film
  • Time lapse video of flowers blooming
  • Vintage footage of ladies smelling flowers
  • Vintage footage of chemists in white coats, at work
  • A swimming pool
  • The American flag, draped across a motorcycle
  • Wild horses, racing across the tundra
  • The Hollywood sign

And how will it look? Well he promises that the bottle will be something "you could actually have it on your counter and not have it be offensive."

[People]