A group of New Hampshire fourth-graders who traveled to the state's capital in Concord to learn about the joys of civic engagement were given a surprisingly realistic picture of the American legislative process after one lawmaker used their bill—a proposal to name the red-tailed hawk the official state raptor—as an opportunity to rail against the evils of abortion.
House Bill 373—drafted, again by a group of nine- and 10-year-old elementary school students—was discussed on the New Hampshire House floor yesterday after the class managed to pass it through the body's environment and agriculture committee.
"(The red-tailed hawk) mostly likes field mice and small rodents. It grasps them with its talons and then uses its razor sharp beak to rip its victims to shreds and then basically tear it apart, limb from limb. And I guess the shame about making this the state bird is it would make a much better mascot for Planned Parenthood."
Big man! Don't hurt 'em! Next time those shortstack liberals step into your house, they'll know not to mess with the king! Were the little guys looking for Pokémon court, because that's down the street! Go home, punks! Fuck you! This is big boy shit! Crying is for babies!
Rep. John Burt followed up with the knockout punch to the bill, which, once more, lest we forget, came from a bunch of tiny people born after the year 2005, and is about a pretty bird:
"Now we do have a $10 billion budget and that's why I'm up here against this bill," said Burt. "We should be working on that instead of worrying about what our next bird's going to be. Because bottom line – if we keep bringing more of these bills and bills and bills that really I feel we shouldn't have in front of us, we'll be picking a state hot dog next."
"That (the abortion reference) was probably less than the gentlemen who stood up and made jokes. That was almost more upsetting to them because they understood those references," the school's principal, Mark Deblois, told the Associated Press. "Why didn't they take us seriously? Why were people laughing?"
Hello! Der! Newsflash! Earth to Principal Deblois! The kids deserved it! That's what they get for trying to learn something!