Mirror agony aunt (British for "advice columnist") Coleen Nolan told her fellow panelists on the talk show Loose Women (British for "The View") this week that her son once accidentally phone her while he was having sex, leaving a 4-and-a-half minute voicemail consisting entirely of his fucking noises. She listened to the whole thing, which left her "dead impressed."
"I knew he'd been out so I was panicking, thinking 'oh my god', he might be in hospital and all that. And it had gone to voicemail and I was listening to it for about the first ten seconds and I was thinking 'what the hell is that?' I realized his phone had gone off during....his night of passion," she said.
"And I hope he's not watching today, but let me say I listened for four and a half minutes, four and a half minutes. I was dead impressed."
She didn't say how old her son was at the time.
"Mum, why oh why," her son, musician Shane Richie, Jr., now 26, groused on Twitter. "In my defence it was longer than four and a half minutes."
Sure, it's a little uncomfortable to have your mum admit on national television that she admires your sexual prowess, but at least she didn't play the tape for his girlfr—oh. No no. Oh no, no no. Nope.
"When he came round I played it for him and his girlfriend," Nolan told the Loose Women panel, "I had to embarrass him."
She's not lying. She probably did have to, considering that embarrassing her kids is a big part of her schtick (and a bit of a compulsion for her). The Mirror ran down some of her greatest hits in a piece this week, including the time she taught one of her son Jake's boy-band bandmates how to use a condom, the time she told a 17-year-old Shane he could hit the red light district in Amsterdam if he studied for exams, and the time she told Loose Women about the sex tape she made with the boys' father, Shane Sr.
Cool mum, or coolest mum?
[h/t Mirror]
