Pro tip: If you don't know for sure whether the supermarket is open and don't have a Hamilton to wager on it, don't make a bet with the guys who share your Alaska trailer, because they might have a gun. And if the gun doesn't work, they might have a car-jack handle.

Anchorage-based KTUU-TV dutifully and somehow straight-facedly reported the incident:

Anchorage police say a fight started after three roommates debated over whether the Carrs Safeway store on Debarr Road was still open Sunday night.

The three men walked to the store, according to police, from their South Hoyt trailer. After seeing that the store was opened, APD says that the unnamed 19-year-old victim did not want to pay the bet he had lost with his roommates.

APD says 25-year-old James Smith, who was seen today in court in yellow, pointed a gun at the victim's head and pulled the trigger. But the gun malfunctioned. Smith and the victim then fought over the weapon.

Police then say that 23-year-old Kendrick Matthews, who was pictured in court in blue today, punched the victim. When he was able to get away, police say, Smith followed him, hitting him with a metal handle from a floor jack.

Fortunately, the victim suffered only minor injuries. The two alleged assailants were charged with assault, and Smith was also charged with attempted murder. Bizarrely, the victim stirred things up at the men's arraignment when he was allowed to call into the courthouse by phone:

"He was the guy who was putting gas on the fire," the victim said of Matthews, who he then addressed directly: "You're the one who said, '"Shoot him, knock him down.'"

"All I did was rock you," Matthews said.

The judge advised the defendant to quit talking: "Sir, I wouldn't say anything," she said.

During Smith's hearing, he laughed and shook his head as the victim spoke over the intercom but said nothing audible in response.

The Safeway in question, by the way, is open 24 hours.