Tonight’s state of the union rebuttal was delivered by South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley. And truthfully, she could have said anything tonight and it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. Because tonight, America only had eyes for Nikki Haley’s incredible, unmoving jaw.

As you can see from the speech below, if politics doesn’t work out, Haley has a long and illustrious career in ventriloquism ahead of her.

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The difficulty of delivering an entire speech without moving your mouth aside, the real question is: What the hell was Haley doing? And America demanded answers.

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In addition to offering some relatively plausible theories.

No matter the reason, there is one thing we know for certain: No republican should give a State of the Union response. Ever.


Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.