Summer is ending, and soon America's teens will head back to the new-shoes-on-linoleum-floors hell that is high school. The only thing keeping our weary youth going is FLAMIN' HOT Cheetos®, and now, First Lady Michelle Obama has taken them away. Our nation's school vending machines will have healthy snacks this year.
According to NBC News, the government's new Smart Snacks in School guidelines require vending machine fare to be "less than 200 calories, have less than 35 percent saturated fat, zero grams of trans fat and contain some sort of nutritional value instead of just empty calories." Here's how our teens feel about that:
Michelle Obama the reason we got that nasty ass shit in the vending machines .😐😐😐😂😂💀
— boootttyyyyy (@crystxlll_) August 15, 2014
michelle obama sucks I want my hot fries back in the vending machines
— haley jay (@haleyyjay) August 6, 2014
i used to eat a pack of skittles a day and now they arent in the vending machines anymore fuck you michelle obama
— not kt (@KatieViens1) August 15, 2014
MICHELLE OBAMA HAS BANNED GOOD FOOD IN VENDING MACHINES, **decent** LUNCHES AND BAKE SALES THIS WOMAN IS THE EQUIVALENT OF SATAN
— sarah knox (@__sarahknox) August 14, 2014
Thanks Michelle Obama for removing takis and hot cheetos from the vending machines because ovi MVHS has a weight problem 😐
— Ryan (@ryadrew) August 14, 2014
— paola garcia♛ (@_paolababee_) August 11, 2014
Naah Michelle Obama fucked out vending machines up i be hungry than a mf at lunch 😂 and in class
— La Perra (@JolaaaaaBaaaby) August 14, 2014
These teens are flippin' out! But maybe all hope is not lost:
Disclaimer: I saw the vending machines today and I wasn't too disappointed. I was kind of impressed. Obama isn't getting a letter yet.
— Jacob (@jacobunchained) August 13, 2014
For her part, the First Lady is excited about the change and hopes it will help fight childhood obesity. "I am so excited that schools will now be offering healthier choices to students and reinforcing the work we do at home to help our kids stay healthy," she said in a statement.