Since we launched our tournament last week, we've successfully pissed off every linguistics scholar in this fine country, which means we're doing our jobs right, nice work. But it's time to admit that every single person in America speaks like a total wad, and it's important to use science and democracy to uncover and identify the ugliest of ugly accents.
So root hard for your city, knowing full well what is at stake: Pride, honor, and most of all, a chance to rub your disgusting accents in the face of the rest of America. Try as you might, you won't stop us from reveling in our filth.
The second round will continue with two matchups a day: Boston vs. Chicago and Philly vs. Pittsburgh will fight it out today while Scranton vs. Tallahassee and NYC vs. Providence will go at it tomorrow. As the competition accelerates, remember that the prize is not only pride and a pat on the back from me at the Gawker office—the number one most hated scholar in the field of pseudolinguistics—but you also get to call the cell phone of editor-in-chief Max Read for one twenty-four hour period until the entirety of Ulysses has been read into his voicemail inbox. WHO WOULDN'T WANT THAT?
We'll then burn your ugly trash accent onto a CD-R after we buy a CD burner, then dig a hole somewhere in New York and bury it. Where? It's a surprise. We'll never tell. This is a great prize!!! I hope you win.
Chicago vs. Boston
Pittsburgh vs. Philadelphia
[Image by Jim Cooke]