Are All These "Hot Pockets" Fanatics Already Dead?

Hot Pockets, a brand of garbage available in your grocer's freezer until this week's recall, apparently has many fans who share their love for the diseased-meat snacks on Twitter. But how many of these pre-recall Hot Pockets tweets ended in death?

Why are people standing outside in the cold at night? Are they drug dealers? Whatever they are, it won't matter for long, because they have consumed Hot Pockets made of filth.

There is, unfortunately, no way to know if these people survived their unfortunate choice of semi-cooked frozen food made from dead animals described by the USDA as "diseased and unsound."

What does "unsound" even mean in the context of industrially raised animals that live their entire short lives in unfathomable horror? And is "Stoned Wonka" now more accurately described as "Dead Wonka"?

Another young victim. The question is whether or not she survived.

Here's another idea for a warning: "May be stuffed with rotten and diseased flesh from animals that collapsed and died in a pool of their own vomit and feces."

Eating a Hot Pocket dosed with powerful mind drugs is only one of the risks involved with eating the diseased bits of animals that were tortured to death in factories.

Just Netflix and Hot Pockets, that's all anyone needs. And burial insurance. Did you know burial insurance can be purchased online, probably! But people who are actually proud of eating Hot Pockets are the kind of people most likely to be dumped in the trash after they die.

"Love" in this context is "wanting you to die of food poisoning."

Granite countertops. The 1950s had rockabilly, the '60s had the Black Panthers, the '70s had punk, the '80s had The Smiths, and the interminable period between the late 1990s and today has granite countertops. Also what is that, a diseased intestine escaping the Hot Pocket in the microwave?

Thanks to the World's best Twitter account for inspiring this post, which we hope will inspire you to be a better person who doesn't eat vile garbage such as Hot Pockets. Top image by Jim Cooke, who can't stop putting skulls on my posts.