Cologne-wearing, hypersexual, body-conscious, six-pack'd men of the internet, you have finally been recognized! It would seem that metrosexuality—the trend coined in 1994 by occasional anthropologist Mark Simpson—has evolved. Writing for The Telegraph, Simpson details the ways in which the joining of social media, selfies, sports, and porn—what he believes to be today's "major vectors of the male desire to be desired"—have led men yearning to be wanted for their bodies, not just their clothes.
With their painstakingly pumped and chiselled bodies, muscle-enhancing tattoos, piercings, adorable beards and plunging necklines it's eye-catchingly clear that second-generation metrosexuality is less about clothes than it was for the first. Eagerly self-objectifying, second generation metrosexuality is totally tarty. Their own bodies (more than clobber and product) have become the ultimate accessories, fashioning them at the gym into a hot commodity – one that they share and compare in an online marketplace.
This new wave puts the "sexual" into metrosexuality. In fact, a new term is needed to describe them, these pumped-up offspring of those [Cristiano] Ronaldo and [David] Beckham lunch-box ads, where sport got into bed with porn while Mr Armani took pictures.
So, uh, just one question, Mark: WHAT?!!?!
THANKS, MARK. YOU JUST DESCRIBED EVERYONE ON THE FUCKING PLANET. Dudes have always wanted people to notice their bodies. Working out was cooler way before dressing like a dipshit in statement chinos and bow ties ever was.