On Monday, 83-year-old Barbara Walters officially announced her retirement from television (“special occasions” aside) on The View, a show about yelling she created in 1997 at the age of 68. She’s not officially planning to retire until the summer of 2014, she’s just giving everyone a year’s notice so that they can start planning a truly tasteful “Bye Barbara, Love, Television” party for her.

While Walters appeared to be in good spirits as she made her announcement ("I'm perfectly healthy; this is my decision"), her choice of words made it sound a little like she was planning to retire to the grave.

“I don’t want to appear on another program. I don’t want to climb another mountain. I want instead to sit on a sunny field and admire the very gifted women—and okay, some men too—who will be taking my place.”

Your parents aren’t taking Barbara Walters to the vet to have her put down. They’re taking her to a beautiful, sunny field where she can run around and get plenty of fresh air and play with all her friends who've been hit by cars. Her fur won't be all matted anymore. She can sit and watch television whenever she likes.

Have fun in Elysium, Barbara.

[Video via ABC]

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