On Monday, The Cut posted an interview with a person. This one happened to be named Blake Lively, which is funny because she wasn't. Nor particularly interesting! Plenty polite, though, and intermittently coherent, which is more than you can say for most commercial grade toaster ovens on the market today.
At the start of the interview, Ms. Lively (an achingly beautiful actress who once invited Martha Stewart to "an ice cream soda party") parted her mouth, presumably to sing a nonsense song of her own composition and show off her strong, even teeth. To everyone's surprise—not least of all hers—a series of rambling anecdotes about websites and smells came tumbling out, like toads from the mouth of a fairytale princess. Blake Lively really does wear Gucci Première everyday, explained Blake Lively (which is convenient for her as she is a compensated spokeswoman for the fragrance). Blake Lively is very excited to launch her personal site, which will be based on the internet and accessible by web.
She didn't talk about a lot, but she conveyed a great deal. Below is a collection of our favorite quotes. Consider them as you might consider outer space: unnervingly empty, but filled with so much.
n.b. Readers are informed early on that Ms. Lively entered the room "chewing." We are never told precisely what, so let's assume: a small piece of metal.
11. On self-knowledge
"I think I smell like … cookies. [Laughs.]"
10. On the ecstasy of tedium
"I like doing my own makeup and hair for events. I think it's fun."
9. On being-toward-death
"I'm creating a brand that I felt the need for."
8. On literally any kind of website
"No. Yes, it will be a site. But not necessarily lifestyle."
7. On the multiplicity of human nature
"You can just be a fan of fashion, art, or a fan of all things."
6. On the chemical composition of the universe, specifically the part of the universe occupied by her future website
"It's a little bit of everything."
5. On the impossibility of knowledge
"I didn't know they did [makeup] on YouTube."
4. On the subordinated Wild
"I watch YouTube for lots of dog videos."
3. On the value of leadership to a society
"There are so many Tumblrs I like to follow."
2. On the opera omnia of man
"But I think it's also neat, all the blogs."
1. On the inadequacy of language for conveying the depths of human understanding
"I'm still being very vague, intentionally."
Read all the lines in their mystifying original sequence here.
[Art by Jim Cooke / Source photos via Getty/Shutterstock]