One D.C. woman is surely hell-bound after CNN’s livefeed caught audio of her discussing a desire to throw her shoe at Pope Francis’s head before his address to Congress Thursday.
The seemingly Southern-accented woman articulated her plot—to “take my shoe off and throw it at his head”—as the blissfully ignorant pope walked into the chamber. Fortunately for security, though perhaps unfortunately for CNN producers, she ultimately chose not to assault the holy father.
Do you know who this woman is? More importantly, can her sole still be saved? Say Don Lemon’s name three times and whisper your answer into the wind, or, alternatively, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.