Burger King, the fantastic land where you can find weed and razor blades in your burger, will begin selling “Satisfries” Tuesday, a crinkle-cut french fry with 20 percent fewer calories than their regular french fries. A small order of Satisfries will contain 270 calories as opposed to a 350-calorie small order of their regular fatty-fat fries.
Burger King executives say people won't be able to tell that Satisfries are lower in calories. It says they use exactly the same ingredients as its regular fries — potatoes, oil and batter. To keep kitchen operations simple, they're even made in the same fryers and cooked for the same amount of time as regular fries.
The difference, Burger King says, is that it adjusts the proportions of different ingredients for the batter to block out more oil. The company declined to be more specific. Another difference, the crinkle-cut shape, is in part so workers will be able to easily distinguish them from the regular fries when they're deep frying them together.
But there is good news for fry purists and everyone who will complain about the abomination that is “healthy” fast food: no one will ever order Satisfries because no self-respecting person will ever want to say “Satisfries” aloud. Ever. Fine, maybe in the drive-thru once, but only because no one will see you.