Last night, Lifetime aired a sequel to its ridiculous adaptation of V.C. Andrews' pulp tale of incest and other parenting no-nos, Flowers in the Attic. Petals on the Wind felt exactly like the rush job it was—the sequel was announced in January a week before Flowers aired because that's how certain Lifetime was that it had a hit on its hands.
It wasn't wrong. Over six million people watched Heather Graham's crazy eyes and Ellen Burstyn's scenery chewing. Petals was just as absurd as its predecessor, if not more so—any movie that starts with Ellen Burstyn rambling like her brain has turned into mashed potatoes and ends with her being burned alive on a bed is headed for the annals of camp classics. In between, we had Graham's god-awful line readings (is she acting like a piece of cardboard on purpose?), various characters shrieking, maiming by glass in a ballet slipper, a liberal sprinkling of the phrase "Devil's spawn," and a scene-ending one-liner that if not rivals, at least recalls Phoebe Cates' classic from Lace ("Which one of you bitches is my mother?").
Great garbage, great movie. After Petals aired, a promo aired announcing Lifetime movies for the two remaining books in the series (not counting prequel/companion book Garden of Shadows). Get excited.
Also, it's never a bad time to point out that Ellen Burstyn has an Oscar, was robbed of another (her work in Requiem for a Dream was far more deserving than Julia Roberts' in Erin Brockovich), and just won an Emmy for her work in Political Animals. She also has a Tony Award. And now this.