It’s been nine long days since Jeb decided to stop punishing himself and finally end what was left of his campaign. So how’s our sweet, sad boy holding up? According to his most recent Snapchat, Jeb is either doing better than ever or has finally lost it. It’s impossible to say for sure.
But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Let’s take a look at the evidence.
Jeb is watching a video on the popular comedy website “Funny or Die.” More specifically, Jeb is watching this video:
It’s the theme song from the site’s recent Donald Trump parody starring Johnny Depp. Having watched somewhere between three and 10 minutes of the movie itself, I can tell you with a vague sort of confidence that it was fine, mostly. Jeb, however, does not seem even remotely impressed—almost as though he’s forgotten what it’s like to feel any joy at all.
An unbuttoned polo with nary an undershirt in sight.
While this is more Jeb than perhaps any of us would want to see, a lackadaisical attitude to buttoning is a definite sign of living your best life. Jeb is no longer required to fulfill the high expectations set by his voter/mother, and he’s letting loose both metaphorically and literally. Good for Jeb.
Three (3) packets of crackers totaling six (6) crackers in all.
If you’ll recall, Jeb Bush had previously ascribed himself to a strict paleo diet in preparation for his run. But now, no presidency means no paleo and all the crackers he can eat (which is to say, six crackers). While Jeb is clearly indulging, six crackers is by no means a binge. He’s having a little fun but still clearly cares enough to keep his cracker habit in check. Another point for happy Jeb.
This is Jeb’s version of spring break Cancun. No sweaters, no highly accomplished big brothers—just a big, open road paved with internet humor videos and crackers.
In losing the presidency, Jeb Bush has finally found his dreams. Go on, Jeb—you’re free.
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