Coca-Cola Is Doing Everything It Can to Ensure Your Child Is Not Fat

America's most popular child-rearing consortium, the Coca-Cola corporation, declared today that it is taking a slew of new measures to make sure that you and your children do not turn into a bunch of walking diabetes bombs, courtesy of Coca-Cola products. Seriously, this is the last thing Coca-Cola is going to do for you, okay? Take some fucking responsibility, for chrissake.

Coke is offering a beautiful infographic's worth of various crap designed to help you, the consumer.... not stop drinking Coca-Cola products, obviously, but maybe help you switch over to Diet once in a while, before you collapse in a puddle of high fructose corn syrup, as excess insulin bleed from every orifice. Besides visible calorie counts and more "Diet" options sweetened with all natural poison, there's this:

The world's largest beverage company also said it would stop marketing to children under 12 everywhere in the world and will work to encourage more physical activity programs in every country it operates.

The Coca-Cola corporation is literally going to snatch the gleaming Coke can out of your child's greedy little hand, and then force your kid to run away, as the Coca-Cola corporation chases them down and punishes them for their misdeeds. The rest is up to you, the parent.

[WSJ. Photo: Flickr]