Shame on New York's dysfunctional state government: last night, in a disgusting display of favoritism for special interests, our State Senate attempted to hand the public's whole motherhumping life and legacy over to the forces of Big (Garbage) Yogurt.
In a backroom deal that took place... well, during an open session of the State Senate, but in spirit, the fix was in—our spineless elected officials voted 52 to 8 to make yogurt the state snack of New York. Yogurt. Good yogurt? No. Bad yogurt. This undemocratic farce is all being driven by the power players at Chobani, a New York-made brand of garbage yogurt that is inferior to other, better brands of yogurt that are made elsewhere. To what depths will our awful state Senators think to perpetrate this farce? From the New York Times:
The yogurt proposal was the idea of a fourth-grade class, according to the bill's sponsor, Michael H. Ranzenhofer, a Republican from western New York. "This is really democracy in action," he said.
Blaming children for their sins. Sure. Right. This proposal was the idea of a fourth grade class, and I am a monkey's uncle! This proposal was quite plainly a plan to kowtow to a brand of yogurt so disgusting that totalitarian regimes find it unfit to allow past their borders! It is a disgrace, plain and simple! It is a smear on the many New Yorkers smart enough to purchase a good brand of yogurt! (Fage.)
I implore all right-minded citizens to call your State Assembly member and tell them not to vote for this yogurt-themed travesty, or else you just won't like them any more. Now that is what I call democracy in action—stirring action! (Mixing in fruit compote.)