We Have 'The Worst of All Possible Worlds' To Look Forward ToS

Amid all of the hustle and bustle of daily news headlines, useless celebrity minutiae, and the mundane workaday distractions of our own lives, it can be useful at times to take a step back, get some perspective, and remember the "big picture:" we're all doomed.

In case you were holding out hope that perhaps your own children and their children and the great mass of future generations that will flow from your seed would not be doomed, here are the results of the very latest NASA study about Our Changing Climate™, via the LA Times:

"These results in many ways are the worst of all possible worlds," said Peter Gleick, a climatologist and water expert

The worst of all possible worlds. In all of the planets of all of the galaxies of all of the universes of all of the infinite multiverses spawned by the fact of existence, there is not a single world worse than that one which we are about to enter, thanks to our affinity for coal-fired power plants and CFC-laden hairspray containers. Life on the barren radiation-bombarded unlivable surface of Mercury would be positively enjoyable in comparison to what is in store for us, according to NASA, who should know. Here on earth, "Wet areas will get wetter and dry areas will get drier," meaning you can have either crotch rot in Portland or fatal dehydration in Phoenix, and those are your only choices. Our port cities are polluted toxic wastelands and our meager attempts to address global warming are going bust and all we have to look forward to, the finest scientific minds tell us, is "The worst of all possible worlds." Well, shit.

Might as well stick your dick in the mashed potatoes, my friends. It's gonna be that kind of party.

[Photo: AP]