Hello, Donald Trump supporters. Donald Trump believes that you are very fucking dumb. And you are proving him correct.
I would like to speak now directly to to the Donald Trump supporters. To you, the 30% of Republicans who back Trump, placing him ahead of any other presidential candidate and causing an ongoing spasm of Trumpmanship that threatens to swamp every other political story this year. The mainstream media says that you are disaffected, fed up with the status quo, and sick of political correctness. The Republican establishment believes that you are a force to be reckoned with. And Donald Trump himself thinks of you as exactly what you are: America’s biggest suckers.
Donald Trump is a leading presidential candidate. How is this possible? Only through the sort of extreme gullibility usually seen only in casinos or fundamentalist religious revival halls. There is no other way. Donald Trump is not a politician. Donald Trump is not a thinker. Donald Trump is not a theorist, or a moral leader, or a man who possesses philosophical convictions other than egoism. Donald Trump is a cartoon clown whose immutable role is “Grossly Exaggerated Rich Guy Stereotype” in the drama of American pop culture. And now, thanks to a high polling number, we are all forced to listen to the media discuss his “policies,” as if he has any. One might as well put a pig in front of a microphone and thoughtfully transcribe his oinks as you interview him about supply-side economics.
“I love the Bible,” says Donald Trump. “Nothing beats the Bible.” Can you conceive of a more blatant piece of hucksterism? Every single syllable drips with the utmost condescension for the intelligence of its listeners. Donald Trump, a born-rich real estate developer with gold faucets in his penthouse, standing on stage in Iowa or Alabama or Michigan, telling you that he loves the Bible. At least corrupt televangelists have the decency to memorize a few Bible passages to bolster their scam. Trump’s crude version of Bible-thumping consists of nothing more than uttering the word “Bible” and watching you, the credulous salt-of-the-earth Christians, clap until your palms are red. It disgusts me to even have to go through the charade of pretending to contemplate whether or not Donald Trump is truly a Good Spiritual Christian. It is time wasted engaging seriously with sheer idiocy. Donald Trump hops from his garish branded helicopter and immediately tells you, the crowd of agog yokels, that he loves nothing more than the Bible, the book of love and humility, and you all accept this at face value, because you too love the Bible, and you think helicopters are really cool. Donald Trump is a third rate carrot peeler salesman at the county fair, and you are the knot of bored marks entranced by his patter, rushing to shell out your dollars for his bauble.
You there! Regard this fine item with awe—a carrot peeler, with a likeness of Jesus etched right into its cheap plastic handle! The bold and holy carrot peeler craftsmanship only found in factories in Communist China! Buy now! And vote Trump!
Nothing that comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth bears the slightest resemblance to real policy positions that might be put into place by a real president. I am not talking about whether or not his policies are liberal or conservative. I am talking about whether they are in any way based in the real world, or whether they are the off-the-cuff ravings of an egotistical jackass whose own jackassery is exceeded only by that of his supporters. The answer is the latter. His position on immigration is impossible. His position on economics is made up on the spot. He speaks of international trade agreements as if he was speaking of fantasy football. Donald Trump will appoint super smart guys to make good deals and tell those Chinese what’s what! Why didn’t anyone else think of this? The profound stupidity of his discourse is perfectly matched to the profound stupidity of its intended audience.
That’s you: his stupid supporters.
Donald Trump could pay people to cobble together a coherent political platform and train him to repeat it, if he wanted to. But why bother? He can simply give racism, “the Bible,” and a few outrageous insults of public figures to you, the least informed slice of the electorate, and receive your full-throated support in return. In this sense, Donald Trump’s campaign is easy. He just does what comes naturally. The only remarkable thing about him is his staggering level of support in the polls. I would say that he has pulled off an amazing con, but “con” implies some sort of devious and clever plot. What Donald Trump has done is much simpler: he has correctly assessed the imbecility of the public, and found that it matches his own preferred level of rhetorical rambling. The rest is presidential history.
How best to stick it to the damned elites? Why, by throwing your support behind a billionaire golf course builder and ostentatious private jet owner, of course! You saps. He loves the Bible more than any other book! You fools. He’ll send China back to China, and Mexico back to Mexico! Something something deals, making deals, a deal for America! He’s not afraid to stand up and say that anyone “doesn’t have a clue!” Argle bargle, hibbity jibbity, he is an undifferentiated mass of rage, just like us, the large group of people left behind in three decades of rising inequality in America! By appealing solely to anger rather than to intellect, he will somehow solve intractable problems! He pounds the table quite sharply!
You fucking suckers.
Donald Trump offers less than bread and circuses. He offers only uninteresting insults, unimaginative lies and unattractive baseball caps. To you, his millions of supporters, he offers something else: his contempt. He figures that you are too fucking dumb to see through him. So far, he is absolutely right.
[Pic via Getty]