Study: It's Your Fault Your Kids Are Dumb

Has your child had trouble at school? Have you tried tutoring, extra homework time, and everything else you can think of, with little improvement? Relax. According to the latest research, your kid's fate is already sealed.

Because of you and your idiot genes! A study published last week examined thousands of twelve-year-old twins. Thousands of twelve-year-old twins? Now that's what I call a loud auditorium! But seriously folks, the study was able to tease out the relative effects of genetics vs. the effects of nurture/ environment, and guess what: your kid's inability to do math is just as much your fault as it is theirs. The LA Times reports:

The researchers administered a set of math and verbal tests to the children and then compared the performance of different sets of twins. They found that the twins' scores — no matter if they were high or low — were twice as similar among pairs of identical twins as among pairs of fraternal twins. The results indicated that approximately half of the children's math and reading ability stemmed from their genetic makeup.

A complementary analysis of unrelated kids corroborated this conclusion — strangers with equivalent academic abilities shared genetic similarities.

So learning is genetic. Just like everything else. Life is roll of the dice, and you won't get anywhere in this world without a set of lucky numbers. All accomplishment is due to the vagaries of evolution, far outside of control. We merely rise or fall with the tide of our genes. We can claim neither credit nor blame for anything. Stoicism, nihilism, and ennui are the only rational responses to our powerless situation. Might as well try to enjoy life as much as you can, with your limited capabilities of cognition.

No homework tonight, kids. Party.

[Pic: Flickr]