Capital New York reports that "Columbia University students are bugging out" after their favorite, smartphone-compatible drug dealer was busted by the cops. You'd think a bunch of Ivy Leaguers wouldn't need to be reminded, but paying for drugs with an app that logs the exact details of a transaction is a bad idea.
Michael Getzler, the alleged campus dealer, was arrested yesterday, only days after the Columbia Spectator published an essay by an unnamed drug dealer—an article Capital New York says was "widely rumored" to have been written by Getzler:
“Weed, edibles, MDMA, coke—I have sold all of these over the past week, in staggering amounts,” the anonymous student wrote. "Several hundred students (and I would call that a conservative estimate) will be smoking my weed this Saturday. There will be more than 100 students rolling on MDMA, thanks to me alone."
Getzler was widely rumored to be the anonymous author of the op-ed in comments on theSpectator website and on a private and anonymous digital message board at Columbia.
This is definitely very stupid. But it's not quite as head-fulla-rocks-and-sand stupid as using Venmo to pay for cocaine, which essentially builds an accurate, time-stamped, Facebook-connected database of you breaking the law. It only took me a few minutes to find Getzler's public Venmo feed:
There's nothing immediately incriminating in the feed, and it's not like anyone fills out the transaction descriptions on Venmo seriously anyway. But if this kid is guilty as accused, his clientele is screwed. So heed some wisdom from a late-20s dirtbag and pay for drugs with cash, dummies. Or better yet: get "high" on the satisfaction of working hard in school and being active as a leader on campus.