An entire terminal in Laguardia, America's worst airport, was evacuated today after a baggage handler reported smoke coming from a piece of luggage. Nothing to worry about, folks. Just a smokin' bag.
It is unclear from news reports whether the bag was, in fact, smoking; according to the NY Daily News, the employee reported that it was smoking, but—according to a spokesman—"When the Port Authority police got there, there was no smoke." By that time, of course, the whole terminal had been evacuated, and some people had missed their flights, and if those people are lucky, they will have their next flights cancelled by the incoming snowstorm.
We here in the city of New York want to assure visitors that there is absolutely nothing at all to fear from any smoking bag that they may or may not see in a terminal in one of our world-class airport facilities. Come on up, bring the family, enjoy a trip to Times Square and the Empire State Building, and don't even think twice about the tendrils of smoke rising incongruously from that mysterious piece of luggage. We assure you that the smoldering valise poses no threat to your life or safety. Simply continue moving, as if you had never beheld the fiery suitcase in the first place.
Have a Cinnabon.