Have you ever had one of those nights when you're like, really hungry, but you're so drunk that those assholes at the pizza place won't serve you anymore, so you just decide to light the building on fire with homemade moonshine?
Matthew Bossard, 32, and Leticia Kagele, 36, know exactly how you feel.
After being cut off from pizza just before closing time at Eugene, Oregon's Whirled Pies, the two came back with a bottle of hooch, broke through the business's glass front door, and scared all the employees into the basement.
Then they tried to start a booze-fueled fire using curtains as a wick.
"I was on the phone downstairs crying with the cops, and was like, 'You need to hurry, he's upstairs in our restaurant!'" Whirled Pies employee Natalie Gattis told local reporters. "I heard the glass crash, and I was like run!"
"We could hear them upstairs being like, 'Oh my god, look at all this beer!'" she added.
Police arrived before the fire could do any serious damage, and arrested Bossard and Kagele for arson and burglary.