Although the college experience at large state universities is a nonstop sex party, the "elite" college experience is more... refined. Finding love can be difficult. Happily, our nation's future leaders now have a new crutch.

Sexual assault on U.S. college campuses is a serious problem that has, at long last, been getting the national attention that it deserves. Today's story in Bloomberg purporting to describe how awareness of the sexual assault issue is changing behaviors on elite college campuses is not actually about that. It is about the latest in a long, long line of Methods That College Dudes Are Using to Try to Get Laid And/ Or Explain Away Not Getting Laid. This story offers a sampling of how political awareness can now be used to excuse almost every sort of pedestrian college romantic mishap.

Panicked fleeing from a hookup that progresses too fast:

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[Harvard psychologist William] Pollack said a patient recently told him about making out with a girl at a party. Things were going fine, the student said, when suddenly a vision of his school's disciplinary board flew into his head.

"'I want to go to law school or medical school after this,'" Pollack said, recounting the student's comments. "'I said to her, it's been nice seeing you.'"

Uncomfortable advances from someone you don't currently want to bone:

Oscar Sandoval, a senior at Stanford University, near Palo Alto, California, got a text message late one spring evening from a female friend. Did he feel like hanging out?

When his friend arrived from a party she was drunk, he said. Her flirting and touching made Sandoval uncomfortable. Something about the situation reminded him of educational sessions he'd had in prior years where he'd learned about sexual consent. Sandoval walked his friend back to her dorm.

General "being a dick" syndrome concealed under cover of caring:

Joshua Handler, a junior at New York University, said he's more cognizant of how his actions could be interpreted because of continuous discussion at the campus about sexual assault — mostly on the Facebook page NYU Secrets where students can anonymously post about their experiences.

Handler, an aspiring film critic, said he's always been blunt, but he makes it a point to be especially clear about his intentions when talking to women.

And cock-blocking:

Adam Erickson, a 19-year-old sophomore at Yale University, was at a party last year when he noticed that a female friend appeared to have had too much to drink. While that's not totally unusual behavior at parties, Erickson grew concerned when his friend began talking with a man who appeared to be showing a lot of interest in her.

"It was a guy I knew a little bit about, and I didn't like his reputation," Erickson said. "I just kind of interposed myself and started talking to her about something. The guy got the message and he took off."

Gurl

U no me

Let me b blunt

I'm here 4 love

Gurl

That man don't love u like I do

Come back 2 my dorm room

Or not

Whatever

Gurl

I'm just looking out for u.

[Bloomberg; Related.]