Fifty Shades of Grey Has Herpes (No, Really)S

You should probably think twice before borrowing erotica from your local public library. I mean, for the obvious reasons, but also because Belgian scientists recently found a library copy of Fifty Shades of Grey bearing trace amounts of herpes. And do you really think that's an isolated incident?

The experiment was just a fun diversion: a bacteriologist and a toxicologist teamed up recently to analyze the ten most-borrowed books from the Antwerp library, including everyone's favorite sexy Twilight ripoff. (Again: who was borrowing this book?) The first surprise: they found small amounts of cocaine. No, not in Fifty Shades. In all of them. All ten of the books featured coke as a supporting player—and though the researchers assure their audience that it wasn't enough to give subsequent readers a contact high, it would most certainly cause them to fail a drug test.

The herpes found in E.L. James's masterpiece and one other book was also not enough to get future readers sick. But it was definitely enough to gross them out a little. So stay safe, kids: the next time you pick up a masturbatory tome, invest a little in your own copy. That way your herpes can stay your herpes.

[image via AP]