Police in Gainesville have a new aid in the search for a man who's peeing on women near the University of Florida campus: a sketch of the perp that resembles a hoodie-wearing Cabbage Patch Doll, or a castoff Mr. Potato Head, or a racially fraught vaudevillian Muppet.
What started as a small investigation in a large college town has taken on a greater urgency as the phantom urine-eliminator appears to be targeting women—six so far, according to Jacksonville-based WJXT:
One of the victims was able to give enough information to help police create a sketch of the urinator.
The urinating bandit is described as a black man between the ages of 25 and 30, about 6 feet tall with a medium to chunky build. During the last urination situation, the man was wearing a dark hoodie sweatshirt and baggy jeans.
Originally three cases were reported, then more women started coming forward after hearing other victims' stories.
We do hope the perpetrator is found post haste. Perhaps he can be linked to the infamous North Texas mugger:
Or maybe even the notoriously deformed flasher of Portland, Oregon:
But until justice wraps her honed talons around her sweet quarry, Gainesville denizens will have to keep a watch out for non-Caucasian males with lips and eyes and eyebrows and a nose. In hoodies.