An allegedly inebriated widow from a sleepy section of Florida's West Coast was arrested last Friday after calling 911 twice in search of a cop to do "extra duty" for her, then rubbing an officer who was dispatched to her house while telling him: "I am so horny."
Police say the initial 911 call happened just after 6 p.m., when Maria Montenez-Colon complained that she wanted her Corvette back.
When the officer arrived at the Almar Drive home, he said Montenez-Colon was very drunk.
The 58-year-old immediately told the officer he was sexy and asked if he was married, according to the incident report. Then she started over-sharing.
Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years," and "I am so horny."
The officer tried to steer the conversation back to the topic of the call, asking what he could do for her.
Montenez-Colon's response was "You can [expletive] me," according to the report.
The officer calmly explained that Montenez-Colon had legally ceded the Corvette to her stepson as she attempted to rub his chest. He left, but Montenez-Colon reportedly still burned for... justice.
Less than an hour later, Montenez-Colon called 911 again, complaining the officer who was at her home "pissed her off."
The original officer arrived, along with a second officer.
Montenez-Colon reportedly complained about the original visit to the second officer, saying, "He was a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to [expletive] me, he turned me down so that made me angry."
When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, "I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?"
Montenez-Colon was booked for misusing the emergency line. It's her fifth arrest since the beginning of 2013.