Yesterday, a federal judge overturned the state of California's ban on foie gras. Great news, for assholes.

If you are a chef who brashly proclaims your determination to serve foie gras, I have news for you: you are an asshole. If you are a gourmand who brassily trumpets your determination to consume foie gras, there is more news: you, too, are an asshole.

Foie gras is made by force feeding birds until their livers swell up. It is the Abu Ghraib of poultry dishes. Many people believe that eating any sort of meat is immoral, because you have to kill an animal to do it. I am not even arguing that position in this blog post. I am arguing the much more modest position that you should not torture your food before you eat it.

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"Why eat food that only involves killing an animal, when I could eat food that also involves torturing an animal?" - A foie gras aficionado, and an asshole.

It is universally accepted that people who enjoy torturing animals are sick and mentally disturbed. But people who enjoy consuming tortured animals are called "foodies." I have another, more accurate name for them: assholes.

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Eat something else.

There is lots of food in the world for you to eat that does not involve torture. If you deliberately seek out food to eat that does involve torture, you are an asshole. I don't think I'm being extravagant in my judgment here. This is hardly a radical position. There is no amount of tastiness that outweighs the act of torture. The fact that you "like" something that involves torture is not an absolution. Vlad the Impaler probably liked impaling people with stakes up the butt. Doesn't make it okay.

He is remembered by history as an asshole. And if you love foie gras, you will be too.

[Photo: Flickr]