In diametrical opposition to the pizza-for-titties initiative at Drew's Pizzeria, one small-town pizza joint in New Hampshire is offering its young customers the chance to earn free slices with school work and good grades.
Every afternoon until 5 PM, Greenville House of Pizza in Greenville reduces the price of slices to 35 cents each for students.
The catch: The "Study Hall Special" is only valid for as long as you're doing your homework in the shop.
"If you complete your assignments to my satisfaction, you will earn a complimentary Root Beer float," reads the sign on the door.
The owner, a 28-year Army vet, will even help students with their assignments "to the extent that I can."
But that's not all: High School students who earn an A on their report cards are entitled to a free slice ("1 slice of Pizza per A").
A report card with straight A's earns its holder "1 large pizza of your choosing and a 2 liter soda."
The non-student portion of the community can also win freebies in exchange for knowledge.
The "Community Challenge" allows anyone to earn "1 large pizza of your choosing" if they can recite Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address from memory.
Suck it, Pizza Hut.