When I first got on the carpet, the active ingredients in my psychotropic treats hadn't started working in full force yet, but I was already loose. The first star I saw was Sarah Jessica Parker, and I was feeling gutsy.

"Hey Sarah, you here for the mane event?" I joked. All the photographers around me laughed so I went for another one. "SJP! Where's your buggy?" Another laugh. "Hey! Get it? Hay?...Hey, SJP, guess how I know what you're wearing? A little bridle told me." No one really got that one, but I got some sympathy titters.

"Oh, a horse joke. How original," Sarah said. "I've never heard those before."

"Wow, it talks!" I said. "Who are you? Mrs. Ed?"

That got a real riotous response.

"Get the fuck out of my face. Just back the fuck off or I'm going to hurt you."

"God, celebrities," I set up the first part of my joke. "No matter what you say, you just can't whinny."