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People eat, fuck, say, and do weird shit and I live for watching them do all of it (and more) on TV. Above is a megamix of some of my favorite ridiculous, disgusting, hilarious, shady, inane, nonsensical, and Vera Farmiga-freaking moments of the year in television. I hope you enjoy it as much as the Basketball Wives enjoy saying, "It could go real right or real wrong." I hope you enjoy it as much as that impish little 2-year-old that says, "Wheeee!" loves coffee. (She is, to me, the mascot of not only this video and my TV coverage but 2013 as a whole.)
Many (but not all) of the clips above came from Television Without Pretty posts this year. Here is a list of all of the sources (when previously posted):
Here's Jenna Jameson's Messy, Slurred Good Day New York Segment
Troll Doll-Loving Woman Talks and Flirts Like a Troll Doll
This Woman Didn't Wake Up Chinese, But She Sounds Like It (She Thinks)
Toddlers & Tiaras Went Bollywood and Everything Was Insane
"I Feel Like Poop": Here Are Highlights from Lifetime's Anna Nicole
Here Are Highlights From Lifetime's Ridiculous Jodi Arias Movie
Oh God Richard Simmons What Are You Doing?
Does Tanning Make People Dumb, Or Do Dumb People Tan?
Real Housewife Brags That She Is "Gone With the Wind Fabulous" in Her New "Single"
Here's Jennifer Tilly Acting Insane on Watch What Happens Live
Carrot Top: "I'm Sorry That I Look Good"
"It Sucks Being Pretty," Explains Reality TV's Samantha Brick
Crazy Cat People Have Nothing on Crazy Squirrel People
Small Child Drinks Coffee Every Morning, Is Probably Always High
Here's a Good Ramble About Whale Sharks by Tara Reid
Beyoncé Has Never Been Less Convincing About the Veracity of Her Pregnancy Than She Was in Her Own Movie
Mariah Carey Said "Shit" on GMA, and Her Dress Broke
Here Are Druggy Highlights of Gina Gershon's Donatella Versace Biopic
"I Know What It's Like To Have To Sing Through Tears": The Wonderful Weirdness of Mariah Carey from Last Night's American Idol
Watch Vera Farmiga's Most Hysterical Freak Outs on Bates Motel
This Is the Best-Ever Impression of Little Edie Bouvier Beale
Ke$ha Pisses Into a Bottle and Drinks It On Camera
"Butter and Sugar Makes Everything Taste Better": Cooking With Honey Boo Boo and Mama Is as Gross as You'd Suspect
Here Is a Woman Who Has Eaten More Than 50 Rubber Tires
This Horrid Child Eats Worms
Vietnamese Centipede-Eating Is The Grossest Thing I've Seen on TLC
Here Is a Woman Who Stings Herself With Bees, Making Her Sex "Great"
Here Is a Woman Who Says That Thinking About Popeyes Chicken Helps Her Achieve Orgasm
Here Is a Man Who Has Sexual Relationships With Balloons
Here Is a Man Who Is in a Relationship With 15 Inflatable Animals
Here Is a Woman Marrying a Ferris Wheel
Here Is a Woman Who Eats Cat Hair Right Off Her Cat
Multi-Millionaire Feeds Loved Ones Cat Food in the Name of Frugality
Here Are the Best Dumb Things Ryan Lochte Said on His Reality Show
Here's How Male Strippers Achieve and Maintain Their Stage Boners
The Plight of the Instagram Celebrity
Patti LaBelle Does Not Give a Fuck
Watch Oprah Winfrey and Tina Turner Out-Weird Each Other
Oprah Winfrey Freaks Out Over Hugh Jackman's Abs, In General
Watch Oprah Kiss "Preeminent Mistress of the Universe" Beyoncé's Ass for Nearly Four Minutes
Sober Lindsay Lohan Gives Dry Interview to Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Probes Jason Collins' Sexuality, Asks If He Played With Dolls
Cissy Houston: I Wouldn't Have Liked If Whitney Were Gay, "Not At All"
Michelle Shocked on Supposedly Anti-Gay Rant: "I Didn't Know What I Was Talking About"
Here's a Supercut of Taylor Swift Dancing and Reacting at the VMAs
"What Is Hip-Hop?" Toddlers & Tiaras Investigates
In Defense of Miley Cyrus
The AMAs Was Mostly Just White People Being Weird About Race
Mariah Carey Throws a Drag-Queen-Sized Amount of Shade at Nicki Minaj
Here Is SharkNado's Iconic Shark-Versus-Chainsaw Scene
Bearded Lady Confessional: AMC's Touchy Feely Freaks
Jennifer Lawrence Would Like To Welcome You To the 2013 Gawker Golden Globes Liveblog