When Caleb "Kai" Lawrence McGillvary, the hitchhiker hero, was arrested yesterday for allegedly killing a man police believe he'd had a sexual romp with, some were stunned. How could someone who'd seemed as hippy-dippy harmless and heroic as McGillvary turn out to be a killer? Sadly, if a Facebook post on what appears to be McGillvary's account is to be believed, a tendency toward violence may have been bred into him via a torturous and traumatic childhood.
In a lengthy stream-of-consciousness essay posted one week ago today—just a few days before police would find McGillvary's alleged victim—Facebook user "Caleb Kai Lawrence Yodhehwawheh" details a childhood fraught with beatings, sexual abuse, and neglect. If true, it's a good clue as to how a 24-year-old ends up sleeping on streets around the country and consistently finding himself in violent situations. It's also yet another important reminder that there is always a story behind the people we momentarily herald as memes before quickly forgetting them.
Alrighty then. consider me Caleb Kai Lawrence Hannah Sophia Athenus יהוה ॐ
First memories: I was in a crib and "family" was fussin over me, but I kept getting told that I "had a demon". I would wake up screaming from night terrors and "family" would get sexual with me, then blame me for being all wound up. I was told by a woman self-declared "mother" that the woman self-declared "grandma" touched me as a baby and imparted a "demon" into me. events later in life caused me to think it's the other way around. I've already been thrown away by them, they refuse to talk to me about when I was a child, saying that "guilt, shame and blame have no place in [their] life, because jesus forgives [them]" I would get locked in a room for 20 hours a day with a little port-a-potty camp toilet in the corner of the room and when I'd make any noise at all I'd get hit with little broom handles and wooden spoons, then after that my mouth was filled with hot pepper and soap for yelling "fuck you" at the top of my lungs from the little cage I was kept in (the beatings didn't silence me). what did silence me was when they'd both take turns picking me up and putting me in cold showers, no heat at all. I'd be naked and shivering, only two years old, and the woman who kept everyone else out of my life out of shame would be the only one there to hold me. when I was young I got caught lighting a sleeping bag on fire, and drinking a bottle of benadryl, but when they took me into the hospital and the doctors shoved a tube down my throat without anesthetic the doctors just sent me back to the house with them. the two "parents" would use me to get digs at each other, they'd fuck all the time and cage me up and I could hear them and it seemed to be all that love *was* between them. they'd bring me to church and I'd spit on the floor and take the "gifts" from the table so I could finally eat something, I got sent to bed without food all the time. when I was two years old I painted the walls in shit and that was the only chance I got to express creativity in that environment. the two "parents" would completely trash each other in front of the three kids, and because there was one kid who wasn't from their "marriage", the man, he'd take toys from him and give them to me. so that kid learned to hate me from a young age. the other kid learned to hate me when I got a knife out from the kitchen drawer and tried carving a hole in the wall to escape into a tunnel I wanted to build into the ground... I seen a look in his eyes and it was exactly like he gave the self-declared "mother" when she'd beat the kids and me. so I turned to him with the knife and the other kid came running in and tackled me. of course, him and I both got beat for that. I got sent to psychiatric hospitals after that, and all the doctors took her side because she was so eloquent and I was just 4. I couldn't relate in their big words about all the pain I would feel when she brought out "mr. broom" and "mr. spoon" and THEY got angry. she would always blame the objects she hit me with instead of herself, and whenever I wanted to go out and be active at the playground the two "parents" would say, 'no, jesus might come tonight'. I was fuckin terrified of jesus when I was young, he seemed so evil but they kept sayin he was loving and pure and holy and only he could get me into 'heaven'. I kept wanting to die so bad so I could be in 'heaven'. I read the bible passage where there was a prodigal son and I kept demanding "my inheritance" so I could just leave. They took away everyone else from my life and locked me in a cage so that I would love them, it was fucked up. I still remember waking up from a horrorful dream and screaming, the woman would stand in the doorway and yell "shut the fuck up! stop yelling! STOP FUCKIN YELLING!" and then she picked me up and threw me in the shower and turned it on full cold. I had a phobia of showers for a long time after that. They split up when I was 4, and I remember the woman standing at the top of a stairwell yelling "Either he goes to the hospital and gets help, or I'm leaving you". She never mentioned that she had found another man 6 months before, it was all my fault... the man picked me up and went to go live with his mother, then gave me a cold shower when we got there for being upset. his mother told him to never do that again.
happy mother's day sophia =)
[Image via Facebook]