Portland, Ore. police responded to a 911 call at around 7 a.m. Tuesday morning from a woman who believed her car was under attack by a pirate. But instead of a routine pirate attack—oh, Portland—they discovered an armored man who claimed he was a High Elf.
He was at least half right. Although the man, dressed in chain mail and helmet, and equipped with sword, staff, and shield, wasn't actually an elf, he was definitely high.
Konrad Bass, 30, of Glendale, Ore., told officers he had taken LSD, and also identified himself as a "high-elf engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth." He was cited for criminal mischief and taken to a hospital.
Morgoth, the original dark lord and master of Sauron in J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings mythology, has at his command various Balrogs, rivers of fire, and, apparently, BMWs (the official car of the Dark Enemy and sponsor of the last battle).
The car survived the encounter, although police say it was left with several puncture marks.
Update: In an interview with Vocativ, Bass explained, "I wasn't in my right mind. I was still rocking my new pair of elf ears."
He mistook the car for a shapeshifting demon.
"I hopped on her hood and tried to pierce her tires with my master sword. I was trying to prove a point. Don't mess with a dark elf," he said.
Bass is also involved in Live Action Roleplaying (shocking!) and writes fantasy novels under the name Konrad McKane. Last time he dropped acid, he turned into a dragon.