Hillary Clinton can now officially claim victory in Iowa, beating Bernie Sanders by a razor-thin margin of 0.2 percent according to Breaking News.
The final tally put Hillary Clinton at 49.8 percent of the delegate vote, Bernie Sanders at 49.6 percent of the delegate vote, and Martin O’Malley in what we imagine will probably be at least a few months of therapy. This is almost certainly going to spark some outcries over the now notorious coin tosses that just so happened to fall in Clinton’s favor.
Of course, even though Hillary may have technically won, we all know who the real champion last was. Another warm congratulations to Sticker Kid—you did it, pal.