The E! network, showing the kind of ingenuity that's made them the world leader in round-the-clock, creepily obsessive starfucking, announced that it will circumvent the ban on television cameras in Michael Jackson's molestation trial by airing dramatic re-enactments of the proceedings. If they're going to do this, they'd better go all the way...and do the re-enactments in Claymation. Using clay actors will lessen the brutal impact of the emotionally wrenching "show me where he touched you" moments that will surely upset viewers, and they'll have a much easier time matching Jackson's elusive skin tone and accurately rendering the surgeon-chiseled contours of his face. And think of the slapstick possibilities of a clever clay animator making Jackson's nose slide off his face every time he sheds a crocodile tear!

Should the Claymation solution fall outside the possibilities of their budget, they can probably stunt-cast Tito and one of the Culkin kids as their more famous siblings.

• E! to air Jackson trial re-enactments [AP]

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